Author: davamon

Authenticity

They reached out.  “Would you please give a talk about how to be a better ewe?” “I’d be glaaaaaad to” I replied sheepishly. Turns out that’s not exactly what they were talking about. (I bet you knew that) 

 What does it mean to be a better you? Is there anything wrong with the way you are? Many theories, discussions about being a better you point to helping others, showing compassion, and similar attributes that are considered markers of good people.   These traits are all admirable qualities.   Many of these traits to be mostly about doing.

So many times the answer is embedded in the question.   The question is how can you be a better you? The answer is to be.   I might add one word – authentic.   Be Authentic. 

What does it mean to be authentic? It means you’re true to your own personality, values, and spirit, regardless of the pressure that you’re under to act otherwise. 

I suggest this pressure ‘to act otherwise’ to please others is self-imposed.   Listen carefully to your inner conversation to determine your motive.   Be aware that we are very good at justification.  

Helping others is in no way a bad thing.  If we are doing these things out of obligations, or shoulds, I question the authenticity, or to add another layer, the integrity of our actions.  Can we be the best version of ourselves without compromising our authenticity? 

To act in all the good, caring ways, and be comfortable with who you are in each moment is a step towards a better you.  A you one that makes the world a little better for everyone else. 

 And that’s not a bad thing.

Just sayin’

We Are The Blanket

There is, as there has always been and always will be, a lot going on in the world. How do you feel about all of it? What are your thoughts, opinions, viewpoints, and ideas?  Are they potentially incendiary?

Do you believe you have answers?  Have you thought your answers through to the best results for all involved, or are they just your dreams, hopes, and visions? Maybe you’re just of the opinion that something should be done?

Big question. How do you feel about other people’s opinions? Here’s a thought for you, they are as valid in their minds as yours are to you!  How might this change who they are in your life. It does not change who they are in their lives. It’s just another facet that has presented itself. Are you open and/or willing to listen to their opinions without judging? And to share yours without trying to coerce or change their minds?.

We’ve heard that no two snowflakes are alike. (I often wonder who did that research.) As those individual snowflakes fall we gaze out at the ensuing blanket of beauty with awe and appreciation. Especially if we don’t have to shovel it.

Even though we are all individuals, together we are one big beautiful blanket of humanity.
How can we look past our differences to lovingly create that beautiful blanket?

As we bring ourselves to each situation, what each of us adds creates something that is more beautiful and more powerful than our individual selves. And that is a pretty cool blanket to be part of, don’t cha think?

Oh, That To-Do List

What’s on your to-do list? Is it something you want to do, or is it something you have to do? Why do you want to or have to do it? 

 I’m wrestling with this right now, There’s this “I want to” to-do, but there are these distractions I call life that seem to be getting in the way.

Sometimes life just flows.   As if floating downstream on an innertube.
                                            Aaah.. Life is good. 

Other times it feels like swimming upstream to herd those cats so I can nail that jello to a tree. 

Back to the to-do list.   What do you really want to accomplish? Start “With the end in mind”, then reel it back to see what you can do today. 

 There’s a saying that we overestimate what we can do in a day, and underestimate what we can do in a month or a year. What is your 5-year vision? Are you on track? 

As you drop off to sleep at night, check back on what got done today.   Did it support your vision? Did it support what you want to put out to the world? 

Tomorrow, take that next small step. 

 At the end of the year, you can look back, and say yeah.   I did that! 

 Just Sayin’ 

Your Personal Director’s Cut

How many times have you found yourself spending way too much time perusing social media? I’ll admit to every once in a while taking a peek at the best of everyone else’s life. A beautiful exciting life that I’m not part of it. Does it make your life seem a little less? Does it make you feel a little less?

These are merely snapshots. The high points. Their ‘Director’s Cuts’. What’s going on behind the scenes? Between the scenes? Eating, sleeping, laundry, kids, downtime, working to pay the bills, paying the bills. Regular life. We all participate in it.
What feelings come up for you when looking at others’ snapshots?
Imagine the joy we would feel by seeing our own lives as picture-worthy. There we are, living our great life, our life of choice, even if we’re not sailing the Caribbean on a 40’ catamaran. (Now, that would be great fun!)

I bet your ‘Director’s Cut’ would look very exciting to someone else. The grass is always greener.

Find gladness that these amazing lives are happening. Share in the joy you see. Be grateful for all the good. That feeling of gratitude attracts our good to us.

We have chosen the full and satisfying life we are living. And if we want to have a different experience, we get to choose that one too.

Happy New Year!

Ready to get back to life?

Have you thought about what your 2022 may look like? 

What would you like it to look like?

On one hand, it’s just another day. We have designated the changing of the calendar as a marker. Any day, really, is a good day to take stock, look over things, contemplate new endeavors, and be open to a new way of doing things. 

On the other hand,  I’ve always kind of railed against doing that. I’ve been ok just moving through it. Being in the moment. This year I’m taking a little different view. I am looking into what I’d like to accomplish this year. And on the second pass over my goals, I did set the bar higher than I believe I can achieve. Shoot for the stars, at least we’ll hit the moon, yes?

What lies behind and underneath your goals/dreams/visions? What I mean by that is, what are the real reasons, sometimes known as your why, that you want to have these things in your life? Look at your accomplishments through a different lens. You may see that you have already achieved some of them. Hmmm

Here is a fun exercise. Take a look over last year’s calendar. It’s nice to see, how much we actually did.    Take stock of the milestones!    Celebrate those wins!    Relive the fun! 

One more thing. In order to have room for more, spiritually and energetically speaking, we need to declutter a bit. What did you ‘carry around’ last year that you’d like to release?  Maybe you need to forgive someone?  That can be a heavy load to carry.  For example, I’m going to release reacting, so I have more room to respond. I’m releasing judgment. Both myself as well as others. This makes room for acceptance, allowing more peace, and more joy. 

Did I say I’ve not been a big fan of planning?  I’m open to a new way of doing things and I’ve enjoyed the process so far. There are no right or wrong answers, and if you make a goal and miss it, oh well. Life happens. But! Without some kind of vision, there’s no purposeful forward motion. If that is your plan, that’s ok, Do it on purpose!

Whatever is best for you, you got this.

Just sayin

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays.
Life is good. Busy, and Good.
I appreciate you, the community of Thinkers.
I’ve enjoyed sharing ideas and receiving your comments and ideas.
At this time, I’m planning to reach out again in January. So, until then……

Take it slow
Be conscious of your thoughts.
Act on purpose.
Love your families, blood, or chosen.
Save some love for yourself.
We’ve just passed the Winter Solstice. The days are getting longer.
Follow Mama Nature’s example, and
Let the light you are shine a little brighter. 

-Just sayin

Triggers

Today I’m musing about triggers. What exactly is a trigger? And I’m not referring to Roy Roger’s horse.  

My experience has been that when a relatively insignificant something happens during a regular routine, the reaction to that event far outweighs what might be considered an acceptable response. This is due to the resurfacing of a past event that got triggered. More often than not, we are not consciously aware of the past event. But when it shows up, watch out! 

As you might imagine or even have experienced, that response is not a whole lot of fun for anyone, and really tears a hole in the fabric of the moment. How can we not do that? 

Be aware that you got triggered, that there is a trigger. Pay attention to what was going on with you when that past event took over.   Once we take note of that, we will learn to notice when a trigger is about to get pulled. You can take a breath. And/or Remove yourself from the situation to calm down. Write about your experience in a journal. That helps to understand it. Do a quick exercise. Something physical. Whatever works for you to find your center, to get back to your peace. 

During this holiday season, with the families, parties, the extra stresses, the expectations piled on top of everything else going on, there are many opportunities to experience triggers. Be conscious of the situation you’re going into and be aware of what’s going on around you and within you. If you get triggered and you aren’t pleased with the way you responded, it’s ok. Go easy on yourself! Accept that it happened and that you are becoming aware of the triggers so it won’t happen again.

I like the idea of not letting events of the past mess with the purity and the peace of this moment. After a while, all your moments of now will be just that. Pure, present moments unencumbered by past events. And that, in my opinion, is a beautiful and peaceful thing.

Just sayin’

Ending to Begin?

Is there a new beginning at the other side of every end? If we look at the ends with open eyes and open minds we can see them. (remember Shoshin?) Much like a wheel that goes round and round and round and round, Life never ends.

In New England, the seasons are distinctly defined. The end of one moves steadily into the start of another. Where we are now, -yes, I’m up here for a minute- the vibrant colors of the leaves, the crisp air, and the cooler temps, (I am not at all used to this anymore) signal a new beginning for Mama Nature. While she is getting ready for her new beginning of rest and renewal, some of us ‘borrow’ these changes to experience anticipation and excitement of what might be next.

The end of a sporting event is an example of an ending, whether it elicits exhilaration and satisfaction for one side, or regrets and renewed determination for the other. And as the season ends, teams and players find themselves in a new beginning of recuperation and preparation for next season, whether that be playing or a new life upon retirement.

The end of a relationship brings with it another type of new beginning. Potentially a little harder to see in the moment, and some may take a while to see what it means for them, but as they accept the situation as it is, their new beginning becomes clearer. Some see it as freedom. This observation comes from personal experience.   

Some beginnings happen as we outgrow our current situation. A chick’s new beginning starts as their home, the egg, gets tight, they stretch, break out of their shells. Same with the butterfly breaking free of the chrysalis for its new beginning. 

As we live our lives being focused in the moment, realize that we live in unison with life’s natural cycles. We like to mark them as endings and beginnings as that helps us make sense of it all, but, really, what we’re doing is simply living in concert with the natural order of the universe. And I think that connection is pretty cool. Just saying

Walk a Mile

Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. We’ve all heard this metaphor as a way to see a situation from somebody else’s perspective. Doing this allows us to better understand why they may be acting in a certain way, and what might be driving their behavior. It also helps us be more considerate and it allows them to be as they are with less judgment and a little compassion. Have you ever really taken the time to do that? How did that work out? I’d like to hear about your experience.

Here’s a bit of a different take on this. Instead of standing in their shoes to understand where they are coming from, stand in their shoes and look (back) at you. In other words, how do others see you?

Would that change how you show up in the world? Do you think you know how you are perceived by others? Does it matter?  Do you care?

Folks have shared with me that they thought I didn’t like them, or that I’m arrogant and unapproachable. I truly believe that’s not who I am! Their observation could be attributed to the fact that, as some of you may know, I’m not the most verbose or gregarious person in the room.

Recently, I was confronted with someone who thought I was mad at them because of the way I responded, or in their mind didn’t respond, to a good morning. I’m just in my morning, in a good mood, it’s nice to see them. They say hello and I acknowledge them with a wink and a nod -a guy thing according to my daughter- and I’m on about my day. The way they received it was that I was mad at them for something, and they responded in kind. In fact, I had even started to feel animosity from them and wondered what had happened. (see how a simple misunderstanding can snowball?)

This way of seeing myself through others’ eyes showed me that I do not want people to think of me like that. That’s not who I am. So I modified my behavior ever so slightly, by simply saying hello to more obviously demonstrate that it is nice to see you, and that allowed me to be experienced in a way that I want people to see me. It’s not really putting on a mask, because it is the truth, but it is a little twist, a small adjustment that quite honestly presents a more real me, a more authentic me.

The idea is to be in congruence between the vibe you’re putting out and your authentic self.  Be aware, though, we still can’t account for the way it might be received.

It’s not really ‘fake it till you make it’. We don’t want to be fake, or an imposter, but a powerful exercise of consciously living into our ideal image can be helpful in becoming.

Then, as we become, we wouldn’t be faking, because we are.

And that would be a good thing, yes?

Just sayin’

Shoshin

I saw friends play the other night. Yeah, I actually went out. I’ve played with them a lot, but this is the first time I sat out front and watched, and listened. I experienced it with new eyes, -new ears really- and saw them from a fresh perspective, as if seeing them for the first time. Shoshin! 

While discussing money hangups with a friend, it was brought up that many folks carry lifelong preconceived ideas about money. I’ve worked with some to help move those ideas that do not serve them out of the way. This conversation caused a fresh light to be shined on my own ideas. Shoshin! 

How cool is it to be a tourist guide in the area you live to someone who has not been here before? You get to see your city, the one you’ve gotten used to with new, fresh eyes. Shoshin! 

Shoshin, or beginner’s mind, is the art of experiencing that which you’ve experienced before as if it were the first time. The goal, and our challenge, is to put preconceptions on the shelf and act like we don’t know, so we can see the world from a place of freshness and openness. It’s as if we see the world through the awe and the wonderment of the eyes of a child. Everything is new, fresh, magical.

What if we were to look at our world through the eyes -the mind- of shoshin? We would generally be more upbeat, more joyous, more alive. We would see many different perspectives of our world and we’d be able to make better more conscious decisions because we aren’t encumbered by what we think we know based on past experiences. Fresh eyes. Shoshin! 

This brings to mind the childlike magic of our holiday season,  The first, and the biggest, of course, is the childlike belief in Santa Claus. We used to believe in flying reindeer and a big guy with a beard in a red suit delivering toys to everybody in the world in one night. Remember the look of anticipation on the faces of little kids Christmas morning, and it gets better they go downstairs? Remember your own experience? That’s magical. 

In a more grown-up way, I think the original idea of Thanksgiving has a little bit of that magical quality to it. Picture this. People from 2 different parts of the world, two completely different cultures, two completely different languages, actually getting along, helping each other out, then sitting down for a big meal to celebrate it. There’s absolutely magic in that. 

Isn’t that the kind of magical world you’d like to live in? I know I would. 

Just sayin’