Author: davamon

Dreaming

Let’s talk about dreaming. Do you dream? What do you dream about? Do you have dreams??

There’s a little bit of a difference here. One type of dreaming is something that happens unconsciously or subconsciously, hopefully while you’re sleeping. You know the kind of dreams where you’re being chased by a tiger or you’re flying or your 5th-grade math class is underwater. That kind of weird dreaming. Things that make you go huh?

The other kind of dreaming is the one where you are actively envisioning the kind of life that you would love to live. You know about those dreams. Those are fun! Picturing yourself living the perfect lifestyle, engaged in meaningful, satisfying work, a beautiful loving partner, your dream house by the water, or in the mountains. The kinds of dreams that winning the lottery starts to engender.

When you close your eyes and allow yourself to be in these visions, what do you feel? Do you kind of float away? Do you feel light, safe, secure, carefree? As if on a cloud? Do you find yourself actually smiling out loud at the possibility? That’s happened to me.

Did you know you can actually feel like that right now? Yes, You Can! Having stuff is nice, but good feelings that are predicated on getting these things is based on what we call external influencers. In my opinion, the feeling isn’t really authentic. We say, “I’ll be happy when I get that job” or “I find the perfect partner.” Or “I’ll feel secure when I have x number of dollars in the bank”. Why would you want to wait to feel like that? Besides, if external influencers can bring you those feelings, external influencers can also take them away.

It is possible to access those feelings right now. Try this real quick… Close your eyes. Think of a time when you were just giddy with happiness. Maybe it was the birth of a child, winning that big contract, or being in the beginning stages of infatuation or fully in love with your partner. Can you feel that? That’s right here. In the heart! Do this and you can feel that whenever you want. I Promise.

Another way to access these feelings is to be grateful. “It’s not about having what you want, it’s about wanting what you have’. Thank you Sheryl Crow. Gratitude is a wonderful, natural mood enhancer. It’s actually miraculous the way it works. There are many neurological studies backing up the fact that you can’t be grateful and angry, sad or depressed at the same time. I do acknowledge though, that clinical depression is a whole different thing and should be treated as such.

You’ve heard sayings like “It is not happiness that brings us gratitude. It is gratitude that brings us happiness.” and there are many similar affirmations about this. I’ve talked about gratitude before, and I may again, but that’s not what today is about. I’m just using that as an example of how we can create those feelings that we want, from within, without having to wait for something outside of us that we don’t have.

Celebrate what you do have. That celebration lifts your spirits, allows dopamine and endorphins to course through your body, your system. In this way, we can experience the feeling of what we want to feel right now and on purpose.

Why wait?

Just sayin’

Expectations

EXPECTATIONS! How many of you live with expectations? How many of these expectations don’t pan out? How do you feel when that happens? There are many great sayings about expectations. Most point out that having expectations will more often than not lead to disappointment.

I believe expectations often arise from the need to control, which sits right alongside the idea of perfection. How likely is perfection in your life? I’ve decided that I no longer strive to achieve perfection. Not possible. Excellence is good enough. And depending on what you’re doing, really good is just fine! We’re the only ones that truly care. And where do those messages, those expectations of perfection come from?

I think we make most of them up. There was one point in my life, where I found myself swimming in the deep end of other people’s expectations and I almost drowned. And the thing is, They probably didn’t put them on me, or this wasn’t even discussed. It was more a case that I chose -probably not consciously at that time- to live as I thought they expected me to. There’s a recipe for potential massive upset.

There’s this great quote from author Donald Miller that says – “When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” *** When you stop expecting*** I’ve personally experienced this in my life and find that the relationship is so much richer and love flows more easily when accepting people for who they are.

When we put expectations on a situation, we may be limiting possible outcomes. We don’t want to limit what goodness might be coming our way. Outcomes often far outweigh anything imagined. I was working with this woman who lost her live-in boyfriend and her job at the same time. This obviously didn’t feel good as it was completely out of anything she expected. She took a breath & accepted what was. And then, took advantage of the sudden freedom to enjoy an extended visit to Italy. Upon returning, she quickly got a better job and soon after found the ‘love of her life’. True story. No one could have forseen that outcome. And was it better than anything she might have expected? I think so. Especially if she had tried to control things.

Where do you have expectations? On whom do you have expectations? Where do you feel, perceived or otherwise, that you have expectations placed on you? And being aware of this, where can you begin to let some of these go?

Imagine the peace you can experience and all the pleasant surprising outcomes, just by acceptance and being in the flow. Just sayin

Happiness vs Joy

Happiness. Are you happy? What makes you happy?  What does happy feel like? If something can make us happy, doesn’t it make sense that something could make us unhappy? 

I believe that happiness ebbs and flows and is contingent on externally triggered stimuli: other people, things, places, and events. Happiness is a destination. 

Joy is an attitude. It’s more consistent, longer lasting and is cultivated internally.  It carries with it no burden or expectation. It comes when you are at peace with who you are, why you are and how you are.

When people say they are happy I wonder if contentment, a peaceful easy feeling or satisfaction is actually the feeling and the word happiness is just a synonym for these feelings.

The world we experience is seen through our lenses, our filters, which colors our perception of it. Which also means we can manage our experience, by choosing how we’d like to see things.  Here’s a little something to think about.. How would you like to experience your life?  You get to decide.  

One example of the difference between happiness and joy is: winning the lottery would bring happiness, building a business that earns that same money would bring joy. 

Gratitude evokes joy. Living within your moral code, Inner peace and contentment, serving others gives rise to joy. Your spiritual connection, regardless of how you define it, inspires joy!  I purposely didn’t say these things create joy because joy is already within us. And because joy is part of you, you can even experience it during dark times by appreciating the little things that already bring you joy.  That morning cuppa, a walk, hobbies… 

You can absolutely live a life that’s happy. You can have fun, connect, laugh, and as long as that is happening,  it’s all good. And when it’s over,  Then what? Happiness fades.

On the other hand, you can invite in or allow that complete feeling of joy that only you are experiencing because it is in you. It is a part of you. Never to leave. No one or no thing can take it away from you. Ever.  

Happiness or joy? Your choice. 

Actually, there’s no reason we can’t have both.

Just sayin

Habits

Habits. Some we call bad. Some we call good. Habits are just things we do. Often unconsciously.

One day, while taking a shower, I noticed that I tend to follow a pattern. Is that a bad thing? Probably not, but I’m not being present. I try to change it up sometimes just to make sure I am being present. Have you ever driven home from work or after being out for an evening and after pulling into the driveway, wondered how you got there? I notice that when I’m not being present is when I do things like trip up steps.

Smoking is a habit. One that we know all too well by now that there is really nothing at all good with that habit, but many continue to do it. Why is that?

Other habits we engage in: exercising, eating, TV, checking the news feeds. If you were to stand back and take a look at your patterns, how would what you call your habits make you feel? You might want to write some of these observations down.

As you may know, I’ve changed careers. I sold my window business and am now coaching full-time. My previous life was client-focused. It was structured to be managed by the schedule. And along with the physical labor of doing the daily work, I had to do the marketing to make sure I had work coming in. It definitely kept me busy. Starting my new adventure, and, not being as tied down to a calendared to-do list, at least not yet, I find it is alarmingly easy to get up, sit at the desk, peruse social media, have a coffee, make a couple of calls, and the next you know, it’s lunch and nothing has really gotten done. Where does the time go?

I’m working to develop a different mindset, different habits. I want to create habits that support my new endeavor, and also allow me to achieve a life balance that was missing before when all I did was work. Of course, I have to see what these habits will be. How can I do that, I’ve not lived that life yet?  I get to make it up.

I started something called The Miracle Morning. It’s a method of getting up a little early to get the blood flowing, read, write, and there are other exercises to get the day off to a good positive start. I’ve been doing this for about a week now and have noticed I am more focused, and purposeful. It appears that this is quickly becoming a habit. One that I believe is a good one.

They say -and we’ve talked about who ‘they’ are- it takes anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 months to properly create a habit. I think it depends on what you’d like to accomplish. What is it that you would like to see in your life, that up till now hasn’t materialized the way you envision it? Identify it and make a change. Start small. Do you want to be more present? Try brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand. You want a little more exercise, but can’t really find the time? Park at the other end of the lot to get some walking in. Just do something. Simple, yes? Easy? Maybe.

But, if you have a vision for a part of your life that you are not experiencing, listen to Einstein – “You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” And you can change your mind to modify your behavior to achieve what you want, to create the life you want, to be who you want. Go ahead! Start a new habit! Just sayin’ 

Just sayin’

Celebrate & Values

The other day, while taking advantage of the very easy and overly efficient Amazon return desk at Kohl’s, a woman behind me was grousing a bit, not being really happy about doing business with Jeff Bezos.  She didn’t like the reach that Amazon has, feeling that their hands are in too many pies, and that a monopoly is either in place or will soon be.      I’m not judging, but she seems to be out of alignment with the values she shared with me. 

What about you?  Is there something you disagree with concerning your job or the company you work for, but it pays the bills, so you continue to work there?   Are you maybe justifying a relationship that has become unfulfilling just to have someone to hang out with?   You’re not alone, we’ve all done it.

Is there another situation somewhere in your life that is not in alignment with your values? And you put up with it just because it’s easier? When you think about it, how does that feel?

We just celebrated Independence Day. What are you doing to create or declare your independence? Shout it to the mountain tops. And share it below! We all want to celebrate with you!

I’m celebrating my personal Independence Day. Starting tomorrow, I will be Coach Dave full-time. This project has been spreading its roots for a few years and is now coming to fruition. This new adventure is totally in line with my value of service and helping others.

I’m suggesting you might want to take a minute to see how your values line up with the life you’re leading. For some, defining values can be a bit of work, because they morph, and change over time. It’s worth it, because knowing what your values are, makes it easier to align them with your purpose, which leads to inner peace and harmony. 

Just sayin. 

Family

Family. It comes in all manner of form, function and feeling. The ‘standard’ definition is the nuclear family we are born into. That one has personalities all it’s own. The scripts written here last a lifetime and some folks who try to forge their own way can have a devil of a time trying to rewrite them.  Then there is the family that we choose. Our friends, our partners, the ones we live with, play in bands with, work with, etc.

We learn a lot from our family, don’t we?  I believe everyone wants to belong and feel connected. Did you ever stop to think about why we want to be connected? 

I think we are all connected at a level we sometimes aren’t aware of, at our core. There is a thread of, something, that connects us all.  It is evident when we meet someone and there is an instant connection, an affinity. A feeling of comfort.  A feeling that we may have known each other before.

I think this thread also works as the connection between species. We’ve all felt connected to a pet. More than just love, connected. We’ve seen the unlikely pairings of different kinds of animals being besties. How does that happen? 

They say love is blind. True love doesn’t concern itself with the package. It all comes from the heart.  And where does the heart get it?  Hmmm

You may have heard the phrase ‘you have to love your family, you don’t necessarily have to like them’. I might even have said it a couple of times. Truth is, I believe the goal is to love everyone. How do you love everyone?  By embracing a ‘love your neighbor as yourself’ Namasté kind of love.  A basic respect for life itself and the people in it. And I get it. Sometimes it’s just not realistic that we would like everyone. We are human. Folks are different and have their own paths. Sometimes, at the human level, there truly is no connection. And that’s ok. We can still respect others’ paths and their light, which comes from the same place yours does, which makes us all from the same family, right? 

Just sayin’.

Babies

Babies. Aren’t they wonderful? Perfect little mini people. Full of potential and possibilities. Those of us who have had them, have felt that magic and basked in that unconditional love. Then as time went on, we did the best we could with them! 

Looking back, I see instances where if I had a different, more expansive awareness at the time, I would have done something different. Two key pieces of information there…. If, and, at the time!    We have to remember that we act, react or respond in each moment the best we can with the information we have access to at the time. 

If I had been more present in each moment, I might have made fewer mistakes, or what I prefer to call missteps. If I would have paused, taken a breath, and paid attention to what was happening around me, how I was feeling and tried to envision how this next action might play out, I might have made different decisions. How do I know? My 2020 hindsight told me so. But you know what? I’ve got great kids, and they grew up in spite of me.  

It’s very important to learn to do this with these young lives we’ve been trusted with. We start out by loving them unconditionally, and that counts for a lot, and by taking this more conscious approach, we could help to maintain their naturally high vibration, the one they came here with. We’d nurture their natural capabilities, so they can grow into the best version of themselves, which would ultimately enhance the world they inhabit. 

 Here’s an idea. What if we treated everyone around us with the same sensibility?  What if we were aware, conscious, focused in the moment, and we thought to pay attention to how our words and actions might affect the future? What if some of the people in front of us were ourselves? Would we treat ourselves and each other differently?  Better perhaps. Might we make better decisions?

Imagine the potential and possibilities.
                The power.
                             The peace  

 

 

Passion

Passion. What’s the first thing that comes to mind?

Can you feel passion? Do you feel passion? Do you have one?

I was surprised to find out that not everyone has a passion.

Passions run a number of gamuts from music, painting, all kinds of arts, to gardening, beaching, hiking, the outdoor pursuits. Let’s add cooking, dancing, and the types of experiences we share with others. It might be in the work you do, or how you feel when serving.

Two words I heard most people say when asked about passion is intimate and thrilling, and they admitted it’s usually attached to the idea of love making.

There’s a difference between passion and a hobby. Hobbies are something we do to pass the time. Passions, we can’t do without. Hobbies are a great way to de-stress, passions are fulfilling. It’s not so much what you do, it’s how you feel when you’re doing it.

The kind of passion I’m thinking about is the type that has us totally involved in some part of life itself. It’s a feeling you can’t control because It controls you. You’re excited to get up in the morning. You can’t wait to get home and get lost in it. Passion doesn’t really have a goal attached to it because it’s never really over.  the doing of it is the goal.

Passionate people are generally pretty optimistic. Their focus is on what can be rather than what is. They’re always chasing their next goal with the unwavering belief that they’ll achieve it.

Being passionate is the single greatest quality you can bring to any situation. Passion, by its very nature, is an exciting trait that motivates others. It’s highly respected by peers and it is one of the most commonly desired and admired attributes in society.

I think most people would love to be passionate about something, but don’t know where to start. Take a couple minutes and google passions. This will start to open your mind to either finding something you can get passionate about, or help you realize that you already are passionate about something, and that it is so much a part of you, you just didn’t notice.

One of my favorite quotes,  this one from Howard Thurman says “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

What makes you come alive?

Can you feel it?

Go do that.

Just sayin’

 

Thinking ’bout you

I’m thinking about you this week.

Every week I’ve been sharing with you what’s on my mind.  Now, I’m wondering, what’s going on in your world?  Life goes on, but I’m guessing things are probably pretty good for the most part. What about behind the scenes? Look, I’m not trying to muddy your water or have you try real hard to find something wrong, but more often than not, and I find this often in myself, there’s always something lurking just below life’s surface that would like some attention. 

Are you happy in your work, or just trying to be. Someone asks how it’s going and we say, “it’s ok, thanks for asking”, in our best Eeyore imitation.

How are your relationships? There’s a can of worms sometimes best left unopened, but just taking a look and being aware, might confirm what we know to be the truth. That doesn’t mean we have to do anything about it.

Are you or have you been working on some sort of personal growth? That’s always an adventure. What’s coming up for you there?  I’m finding that the more work I do, the more work needs to be done.  Just this last weekend I got the pleasure of dealing with something, again, that I thought that I had taken care of 3 years ago. Who knew there was that much stuff stored in the garage? And the basement? And the shed? And did I even put some of that shit in storage?

Here’s a suggestion. Check in with you. What’s really going on in your world?  Look at all the different facets of it. Take note of how you feel. No need to change anything. Just check in. I find that knowing where I am, or how I’m doing, whether the answer pleases me or not, keeps me conscious, and on point of where I am. And as you know, we can’t get to where we want to go, if we don’t know where we are

Just sayin’

Constant Change

They say the only thing constant is change. We believe them.

I’m dividing change into 2 buckets. One bucket is that change happens. You get laid off. Someone very close dies unexpectedly or moves away. Basically, this first bucket is an external event that changes the trajectory of your life.

The 2nd bucket is self ‘inflicted’. You decide it’s time to: get out of -or into- a relationship, get a different job, change careers, move across the country. Sell everything and travel while living in a VW Microbus.

How well do you or do you not deal with change? Do you find it exciting or nerve-racking?  Is it easy for you or would you rather get a root canal?

I was talking with a friend the other day who absolutely loves it. Lives for it. She says, if she’s not changing, she’s not living. On the other hand, I know people who are still living in the town they grew up in. Some in the very same house, working the same job, driving the same car…

If or when you do make a change, what is your direction? Do you generally move towards where you want to be or are you trying to move away from where you are, thinking “anything but this!!”

Does that make sense?  Running away from something is a different energy vs moving toward something.  I like the energy of moving towards something. It is a positive, in charge, at-cause kind of energy. This is called anabolic energy. It is a creative, building up, constructive kind of energy. The opposite side of this is a destructive tearing down energy known as catabolic. These are different in the way they present, the way they feel, and in the way they act on your body, most specifically your endocrine system.

Change is inevitable. Even our bodies change completely every 7 years. It is going to happen. How we react to change is our choice.

I’m rounding third towards a big change in my life. And I know I’m moving towards it. I’m selling my business and I’m moving to coaching full time. Even though I’ve been building up to this for a couple of years, and I’m very excited about this, I admit to it being a little anxious, but even through that lens, I’m certain that it is the right thing to do, for me. Besides, if I wasn’t a little nervous, I wouldn’t be human. I’m definitely human. Ask my kids. They’ll tell you.

When we go through any kind of change, we become more closely aligned with who we truly are and who we truly can be. It may feel insignificant at the time, but if you look back, every change has all contributed to who you are at this moment in time. And it enhances what you have to offer others. How many times have you heard, I wouldn’t wish what I’ve been through on anybody, but I’d wish what I learned from it on everyone.

Change has formed you into the person you are today. And it’s probably nothing compared to the person you will be tomorrow.

Just Sayin’