Author: davamon

I’d like to share a poem with you that was written by a high school senior named Chanie Gorkin.

Today was the absolute worst day ever
And don’t try to convince me that
There’s something good in every day
Because, when you take a closer look,
This world is a pretty evil place.
Even if 
Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Satisfaction and happiness don’t last. 
And it’s not true that 
It’s all in the mind and heart 
Because 
True happiness can be attained 
Only if one’s surroundings are good 
It’s not true that good exists
I’m sure you can agree that 
The reality 
Creates 
My attitude 
It’s all beyond my control 
And you’ll never in a million years hear me say
Today was a very good day 

There are many different ways to see the same thing. And as you may or may not be consciously aware, we all have our filters through which we view life. Did you ever ask two people about an event they both attended, and their experiences were so different you’re left wondering, did you guys go to the same show?

For instance, How are you looking at your quarantine situation? Do you see it as having to stay home, or do you see it as getting to stay home? 

Do you see the holidays as a joyous festive occasion, or are they drudgery that you can’t wait till they’re over? 

Is there another way to think about these? How would you rather think about them?

I believe that the way we look at things, and the way we think about them, has an awful lot to do with the way we experience them. 

Here’s a quote by Wayne Dyer, “if you change the way you look at things the things you look at change”. 

I’m going to read this poem again from a completely different perspective. I’m going to read the last line first, and read it backwards.

Today was a very good day 
And you’ll never in a million years hear me say 
It’s all beyond my control
My attitude
Creates 
The reality 
I’m sure you can agree that 
It’s not true that good exists 
Only if one’s surroundings are good.
True happiness can be attained 
Because
It’s all in the mind and heart
And it’s not true that 
Satisfaction and happiness don’t last.
Some goodness does shine through once in a while 
Even if 
This world is a pretty evil place.
Because, when you take a closer look, 
There’s something good in every day 
And don’t try to convince me that 
Today was the absolute worst day ever

Think about it.  How would you like to experience your world?

Just Sayin’

We’ve discussed, ok, well, I’ve done most of the talking, about things that we can’t control versus things that we can control. I’ve brought up inner peace leading to outer peace, and last week we did a short breathing meditation. By the way, how was that for you? Are you noticing an inner oasis of peace in the mishegas that is the world these days?  Today, I am thinking about another way to deal with all this. Ready?  Relax. How easy is that?  

What does relax mean to you? Really relaxing. Taking a little time off? Getting involved in an activity you’re passionate about? I used to think that relaxing is going somewhere, which is really not relaxing at all, considering the travel, the arrangements, and depending on where you go, there’s some sightseeing. I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept of needing a vacation from your vacation. 

Another way I used to think was relaxing is to stop. That generally happened when there was no energy left. “I think I’m just going to relax for a minute” That’s that ‘fall asleep in front of the TV kind of relaxing. This is ‘doing’ relaxing. I’m talking about being relaxed. 

Nature shows us a couple of great examples of relaxation.  A tree that bends -one that is in a perpetual state of relaxation- is one that weathers the storm. The ones that don’t bend, break.   

Ice is water in a non-relaxed form. You can break ice. But you can’t break water.  

They are now incorporating flexibility into the foundation of buildings.  Making them less rigid. Earthquake-proof. The foundation is relaxed so that when the earth moves, meaning when there is stress, there is no -or at least much less- damage to the buildings. 
 
Peacefulness and relaxing seem a lot alike, but there’s a subtle difference; peacefulness is about being free from external unwholesome events, as in not letting what we can’t control control us. And, relaxation is about being free from self-created unwholesome events, which are created by our reactions, thoughts, emotions, etc. Self-Created. This we can control. 

There are many things in our lives that are important, of course. When we accept what is, we allow it to just be. Then, like the river, it flows by.  And if it needs attention, we deal with it in a relaxed manner and respond, not react.

We’ve all seen pictures of the palm trees bent over in the hurricane. Use that vision as an example of extreme flexibility, and whatever hurricane comes your way. Let it be. It passes quickly. Be the palm tree. 

Relax!

Just sayin’

Here we are, early in the 2020 version of our Holiday Season, which will wander -if you can wander in a straight line- fairly quickly to the New Year. The New Year being kind of a ‘fake’ starting point for new ideas, new visions, new goals. Do you have visions, ideas, and goals? What kind of life would you like to create? How much control do you feel you have around that? 

There is a lot going on around here that we can’t control. California and most of the states are in various stages of shut down, again. People are in various stages of freaking out. Some are guaranteeing, some say they are but are still going out to some things, some are ignoring it completely. The shut down for the holiday season is getting folks a little crazy. And we are experiencing a second fire season, just to add a bit of excitement.

These are what we call ‘external’ events. These are things that are happening ‘out there’. We can’t control the events, just how we react to them.

Have you noticed that there can be tornadoes in Kansas, tsunamis in the Far East, fires in the mountains, but when sitting at the table with our families and sharing a meal, everything is at peace. Without minimizing what’s happening in the world, it’s what‘s ‘in here’ that our peace of mind resides. 

I’d like you to try something. It’ll take just a quick half-moment. Sit up straight, close your eyes, and breathe. In and out. As you are conscious of your breathing, count slowly to 30. Ready, go. 
How’s that feel? Thirty seconds of a quick meditation and the world slows down. All is good. Simple. Easy. How many places can you fit this in during your day? 

Here are a couple of ideas: As you get in your car, before you start the engine, just sit and breathe. Breathe in the quiet. Breathe in the peace.  As you sit down to eat. Breathe. Breathe in the gratitude for your food, the fact that there is someone to eat with. As you’re brushing your teeth, focus solely on that. I bet you can find other places for yourself as the day goes along. This is something we can control.

Embracing these moments helps us to be present. Being present and being at peace, especially in these crazy times, makes it easier to allow what is happening out there to stay out there and us not getting caught up in it. If there is something we can to help, we do that. We respond. We don’t react. And it is done peacefully, with awareness and on purpose. 

Take care of yourself. Find your peace. Share your peace. Be present. Enjoy your life. Every part of it. That’s what we can control.

Just sayin’

This past Thursday, we stopped, and, along with family, some friends, turkey, and football, we spent a day in conscious gratitude.

There are so many things to be grateful for..  Simple things, like the sky, the sun, air. There are the things that everyone can agree on: friends, & family in all it’s various forms, running water, sleeping inside.

We can also be grateful for the ability to do and enjoy things like art, music, movies, walks in the woods, on the beach, around the hood.  And there’s always our inner abstract ideas, grateful for hope, faith, love, peace.

It’s good to take time to be grateful because, by paying attention, we -at least I- realize how much we take for granted in the focused busyness of our day-to-day.

Sheryl Crow says “It’s not having what you want  — It’s wanting what you’ve got”. We’ve got so much!

I’m grateful to be able to share these musings with you, the connections and the reconnections it has opened up and reinforced with people, the memories it brings up, the aha’s we get to experience.

Grateful to be able to work. Grateful for freedom and many freedoms. Grateful to serve. Grateful for health, grateful for a body that supports the promises my mind continues to make.  Grateful for an exciting vision of the future. Grateful for a good hamburger.

From Meister Eckhart: “If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.”

From me to you:  “Thank you!”

Just Sayin’

First, let’s touch on value. We hear about adding value.  “I get a lot of value from that”.  How do you determine that? We try to attach a dollar amount to it. But It’s felt, rather than measured. Nebulous, intangible.

But values, as in personal values are very tangible. These are your important beliefs or ideals. In other words, your principles.

Do you know what your values are?  Can you name your top 3-4 values off the top of your head? Have you taken the time to define them and understand them? Note that they do change over time, as our lives morph and we grow.

For instance, one of my values has been privacy. By nature, I’m a fairly private person. Not that I have anything to hide. And I don’t mean anything by it. That is the model I had growing up. My brother and I joke that we share on a ‘need to know basis’. ‘;-)

Another of my values is connection. I love connecting deeply with people. How can I expect others to share with me, to open up if I’m not sharing with them? if I’m being private? See the conflict? I wouldn’t have been aware of it if I hadn’t looked into it. There’s a learning opportunity in here for me.

Freedom is one of my highest values. One of my friends suggested I don’t really follow rules. I’m don’t see myself as a rule-breaker, just not specifically a rule follower. I don’t do it on purpose like I’m trying to be a rebel, It’s more the ‘spirit of the law’ kind of thing.  And my version of freedom has absolutely nothing to do with stepping on anyone else’s freedom. Everyone’s freedom is personal & something to be honored and respected.

Values act as guides. When we are clear about our values, decisions are easy. When we are clear about our values, our path is a little straighter. When we are clear about our values, we know ourselves more intimately. There is a closeness, a warmth, a comfort of knowing. There’s an ease of being authentically who we truly are, and letting that be our experience.

How can we identify our values? One way is to Google core values. It’s an interesting exercise to attach names to these concepts. Another way is to -and I’ve said this before- notice what you’re noticing. If you’re in a situation that ‘just doesn’t feel right’, what values are being compromised? And you’re in the flow, what values are being supported?

By knowing what your values are, and paying attention to how you show up in the world, your life takes on an ease, a beauty, a flow. a flow that is natural, expansive, authentic, and, well, valuable.

Just sayin’

Change. The only constant.

What goes on around us changes. Our reaction to it is what we can control.

I’m playing a concert for a fundraiser next week. There are rumors that our county is looking into a more restrictive posture, limiting our ability to attend social engagements. I guess indoor seating at restaurants will be closed, church services only online, and the lines at stores will get long again. Kind of a ‘here we go again’ deja vu thing going on. We will still play music, there just won’t be anyone in the room. I can’t control that.  What I can control is my reaction to it.  And am I’m going to let it change me?

Seasons change. Constantly. As nature goes through her seasons, we watch trees get bigger, untended gardens get fuller.  Sometimes fires create a clearing that facilitates new growth.

But year over year seasons are consistent. You can pretty much count on what each new season will look like. Look back at your life. Now, look around at your life.  What’s different?  What’s the same? Are you pleased with how your ‘garden’ has grown?  Does it look anything like you imagined it might? Hopefully, it’s better.  How are you changing? Are you doing so on purpose? Or are you just going through the motions?

You know what? The journey isn’t over. The cycle of seasons continues. Pay attention. And you get to play this game your way.

Just sayin’

We are now on the other side of the most talked about, fought about, passionate, divisive, ‘one for the books’ election in our history. We, as a people, as a country, in theory, a united country have become extremely fractured. We are angry, we blame, we can’t believe that our family, friend, neighbor, co-worker that we like could possibly think like that! We’re seriously considering how we can be friends with that person anymore? It’s like what’s going on in the world is now your fault because you believe this guy instead of that guy, so you might as well have caused it. Families are fractured. Friendships are fractured. Work relationships are fractured. Used to be some sort of a national emergency would pull us together. Will that even work anymore?  And how long would the togetherness last before we crawl back into our personal bubbles?

Step back and remember this. The people in our lives are whole and complete people. They’ve lived, cried, celebrated, have learned, grown, experienced, excelled, failed, worried, just like all of us. This one thing. THIS ONE THING. Is a small part of the whole. It’s an opinion. Are you going to separate from your family because they enjoy a nice steak and you are vegan?  That’s one thing!  Football or baseball, movies or picnics, the beach or the mountains. Republican or Democrat. ONE THING out of the whole.

We live on a rock hurtling through space – together. The astronauts have shared with us the feeling they get from looking at our planet from afar. They see, actually, the way they tell it, they feel, that we are as one organism, as one part of a magnificent larger organism. It’s awe-inspiring and breathtaking.

And here we are, engaging in all this agita over an opinion. And even that opinion is based on someone else’s opinion.  Is it truly worth losing friends and family over?

Look at the people in your life.  That republican neighbor of yours, that you’ve had heated arguments with over the last 6 months, remember, the one you’ve thought of as a friend? You know, if something happened to you and your family wasn’t around. they would be the first one to take you to the emergency room!  That’s who they are…. Not what they think.  What about that democratic son-in-law? Doesn’t he do an amazing job of caring for your daughter and your grandkids? Don’t you just love him as your son?  His thoughts may be different than yours, but he is a perfect example of someone,  just like you,  doing his best. But at his core….

What about you? At your core. I believe that what really matters is who you are, not what you do. Who you are. Not what you think.

What about your family, your friends, your neighbors. All good people, all want the same thing. Peace, Prosperity, Connection, Love, Think about it, what do you want? Peace, Prosperity, Connection, Love. What does your family want? WE ALL WANT THE SAME THINGS!  This is the Truth from across the room, across the town, across the borders, across the world. And I bet when the day comes that we meet someone from another planet, another galaxy, they will want the same thing.

We can have this Peace, Love and Understanding, right here and right now. We can do this. Just by deciding. It can be that simple. Do you know the truth for you? Can you find that truth in you? That’s potentially a very deep question. Think about that. And then, how can you live your truth?

I’ve just deleted all my news feeds. I bet my life won’t change much, and I’ve already noticed that due to the lack of an unnecessary stressor, I’m happier and more peaceful. I’m not being bombarded with all the sniping, name-calling, and negative attitudes that I can’t do anything about anyway.  I know where my peace is and I’m going to live there.

Let the healing begin! I’m ready.  Are you?

Just sayin’

I was doing some food shopping the other day. This guy came around the corner not paying attention and he ran into me. He was very very short. In today’s pc lingo he might be considered vertically challenged. All the tomatoes, lemons, cans, and stuff he was carrying fell on the floor and rolled all over the aisle. He looked up at me and said, ‘I’m not Happy. I looked down at him and said, ‘Which one are you?” 

Humor is a funny thing. Pun intended. There’s so much quantifiable goodness that comes out of it. I’m sure you’ve heard most of it, but let me remind you of some of that goodness: Laughter relaxes the whole body.  Laughter boosts the immune system. It triggers the release of endorphins.  Laughter protects the heart. It works the muscles. Laughter lightens anger’s heavy load because it helps to put things into perspective. Laughter burns calories. Maybe not a lot, but every little bit helps, yes? 

Laughter may even help you to live longer. A study in Norway found that people with a strong sense of humor outlived those who don’t laugh as much. The difference was particularly notable for those battling cancer. Laughter truly is the best medicine.

I found across this website that just absolutely cracks me up. I’m sitting in my room laughing out loud with myself. You know, the kind of laughter that brings tears to your eyes. When I step out to start my day after laughing that hard first thing in the morning, I observe how good I’m feeling. I notice how relaxed I am. At the same time, my body feels alive. I’m ready for this day. I walk out of my room smiling and looking for someone to share the laugh with. This is why I’m sharing this with you. 

Here’s a creative way a couple is dealing with stress and looking forward to the end of the pandemic: From the wife’s point of view: My husband purchased a world map, handed me a dart, and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.

One of the things that’s funny about humor, maybe not haha funny, but interesting and peculiar, is that what some people think is really funny, others might find offensive. So, unfortunately, you’ve got to be really careful these days. I did say unfortunately cuz everybody’s kind of tightly wound, and you don’t know how they may take it, but being careful is simply acting out of respect to not offend.

Here’s a quote from W. Lee Grant that says “Shared laughter creates a bond of friendships. When people laugh together, they cease to be young and old, teacher and pupils, worker and boss. They become a single group of human beings.” We find that common ground of humanity in laughter. 

How can we brighten up our days? Start with a smile. Share it. When passing another, don’t look down, or at your phone. Look up and smile. See how faces light up when you smile at them. Now we’re brightening up someone else’s day. Another way is to count your blessings. You can’t be grateful and angry at the same time. Find yourself a website that makes you laugh and visit it. Make an appt and give yourself 5, 10 minutes a day to laugh. I tell you it’s amazing.

And, here’s the truth as I see it, big picture, we all really need to lighten up.  Laugh together. The world will be so much brighter, more fun, and much easier to live in.

Just sayin’