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Let’s talk about conversation! My observation is that we don’t have them! And it’s not that we don’t talk. There is plenty of talking going on. What I see is that there aren’t really that many conversations happening. A conversation where both parties take turns talking and sharing, and when one is talking the other is listening to ideas that are explained and then expanded upon. When this happens, there is a connection and an understanding which leads to compassion and peace.

Observe what goes on around you. How many times do you notice that one person does all the talking? How many times do you notice interruptions with the intent to speak, but the interrupter is not really sure what they’re responding to, just making sure they get their point across.

I could go on a bit about this, but I’m going to keep it short and to the point.

I believe that conversations need to happen. Open, honest, heartfelt conversations about hot topics, our ideas, and beliefs without trashing the people who don’t necessarily agree. We really don’t need people to agree, and we’re not going to change any minds anyway.  To listen and to understand is a very powerful practice and everyone gains from it.

This week, I challenge you to listen. Without judgment. And to understand.  That’s how you connect. And learn.  About them, their thoughts, their beliefs, what’s important to them and you’ll probably even learn something about the world and yourself.

I believe with this openness, the world can be a more connected and peaceful place.

Just sayin’

A funny thing happened this week that perfectly illustrates what I’ve been thinking about this week.  I’ve been thinking about how things that influence our energy, which affects our moods and/or our inner presence, can affect our performance.

I was lucky enough to experience a first-hand demonstration of what we call an external influencer. I was working, on a ladder and felt a little pinch in my lower back. I expect some of you are, unfortunately, a little too familiar with this feeling.

Hmm, I say to myself, not too bad, purposely ignoring that something in my infrastructure is now out of line. But, I kept going. I muscled through, pun intended, doing what I do, for a few days, knowing full well something was amiss, but not allowing myself the time to take care of it, to take care of me. Of course, if I had taken care of it when it happened, it would be a simple fix.

Come Thursday morning, I can barely stand, and standing straight isn’t even an option.   There goes my day.

This is a perfect example of an external influencer and how it affected my day, actually, days now, in a way that is not really productive.

What are your influencers? Internal or External? Weather? Emotional upset? Physical Pain? Traffic? Other people? Are you involved in something that is not completely aligned with your values? They can affect you if you don’t pay attention to the signals.

Listen to your body.   Do you need more sleep? Are you putting proper fuel in?
Listen to your mind.   What are you feeding it? Do you watch a lot of TV? Are you a news junkie? Do you read? What kinds of books.   When you’re out and about what is the nature of your conversation?

Are you aware of your thoughts and how they affect you?

I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it again. Awareness is key.

And with awareness, we -not the world around us- control our energy instead of it controlling us.   

Then we live consciously, on purpose.
And that’s a good thing. 
 Just sayin’ 

Interesting last couple of days. I shared with you last week that I had a MasterClass presentation Wednesday morning. In addition to everything going on, I spent lots of time preparing for it. It went well, by the way,  thanks for asking.

A funny thing happened after that goal was met. I noticed that I sort of shut down. It wasn’t on purpose. My mind and body took a break. Without me. I had things to do, but apparently, oh well. I slowly managed to get few key things done. I knew that soon I’d be back to whatever my normal is.

I even forgot what day it was. I now know it’s Sunday. I’ve caught up with the calendar.

Here’s a reminder for you to observe that you may be pushing pretty hard. A lot of us push pretty hard. You, who are reading this… Am I talking to you?

Pushing yourself hard might have benefits, especially if -and as long as- you are aware of what you are pushing towards, and more importantly why.

One of the hardest things for me to learn to do is … stop. My mind and body will eventually stop me like it just did, when I’m totally done, The kind of totally done where watching YouTube videos is about all I’m capable of.  I saw a study about this and it is a physiological event. Tough though, when you’re a pilot and your brain goes to sleep even while you’re flying the plane.

I think it’s important to factor in some down time in life. How can we do that? How do you keep some kind of balance, and stay charged, so that break doesn’t happen without you?  I’d love to hear some of your ideas.

We take better care of our cars then we do of ourselves. Our bodies are amazing machines and they deserve some TLC. So, go ahead and slow down. For instance, sit down and eat. Get a massage. Have a visit with a friend. Watch a movie. And after taking that break, you might even get more done, now that you’ve recharged.

Go for it. You are worth it.

Just sayin’

I’m playing with the idea of mastery orientation, or mastery mindset vs performance mindset.  I think a lot of people spend most of their time focused on getting to the goal.  You know, make that sale, hit the home run, nail that presentation, create the masterpiece, etc.  We do live in a performance-focused society where achievement and accomplishments are measures of success. And going for the gold isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Let’s try looking at this from a different angle.

What if we were to work on focusing on what we are doing, and becoming masters, instead of focusing on the end result? Where might that take us? Of course, we start with an idea of what we want to accomplish, but let’s practice being fully present in this moment and do the best we can in this moment.  Now detach yourself from the end result. It’s possible that what you end up with could be better than your original vision. Is true. I’ve experienced it myself.

What’s that? Detaching from the result, even though there is a goal in mind is an interesting concept. I can see where confusion may be creeping in. Work towards your intention, but detach from the outcome?   How’s that work?

Think of a time when you were involved in a project, maybe it was an art project, something in the yard, and you were completely engaged in the moment letting your muse guide your next step. A few months back I had maybe a little more than a half idea of a plan to create space in the garage, and what that might look like. I got started, and as one thing led to another, with me just staying in the flow, trusting the process and being open to that next step not being exactly what I originally had in mind, the end result turned out much better, with more efficient use of space, and was much easier to implement than my original vision. 

How does this apply to regular life? How might this apply to your business, for instance, when everything is measured by the outcome? We can’t always control the outcome. We can only control what we do towards that outcome.  So, focus only on what you are doing, only what you can control. Be open to a new thought, a new idea. Be ready for what may appear. Practice your craft. I like to say take more grounders, do your scales, work on that jump shot. Become a master of you, and when the time comes, you will nail the performance. 

By the way, the performance is the end. You did it. Win or lose, It’s done. Over. Mastery? There’s always more, more to learn, more to grow, it’s open-ended, and in that process, there’s more success, more satisfaction, more peace, and a fuller expression of your true self. Besides, with the mastery orientation, there is always something to learn, always growth, therefore, you never really lose!

Do you want to win this game, or do you want to win the whole match?
Become a master!
Practice the Mastery Mindset!
You will win!
Often!

Just sayin’

The other day was one of those days where being inside just wasn’t going to happen. So, I took myself on an impromptu walk. Wasn’t planning to go too far, especially when I saw that the other end of the trail was way over there, and up a couple of really steep hills. 

 I reminded myself that I just wanted to be out in this beautiful day and take a little stroll. I wasn’t really in the mood for that much of a hike, but something came over me. I kept walking. 

 I saw those climbs off in the distance, and I thought, too steep. I’ll just go to the bottom of that one and turn around. When I got there, it wasn’t that imposing. So, up that next hill I went. This happened about 3 or 4 times, the ‘I’m not going up that hill’ moment, was replaced with ‘it doesn’t really look that hard and, besides, I now have a goal’. See, I know what’s on the other side.’ 

 What’s on the other side is a view I had been wanting to see for quite some time. While walking, I kept being accosted by memories of times in the past when I allowed myself to be ok with close enough. I kept thinking, why am I going to continue to sell myself short? I am not that person anymore. I got this. I went for it. I made it. I’m glad. I did not let anything get in my way. 

 I realize how many blocks we allow ourselves to carry around. Even the really small ones that don’t feel like blocks stop us from experiencing our best lives. We might pass it off as just being lazy… and it’s easy to say, well, It’s not that important. It’s no big deal one way or the other… But that’s how bad habits start. And the way we do anything is the way we do everything. 

I’m reminded again to be aware, to pay attention to the way I talk to myself, does it support me, my values, my visions, and will I be happy with me as I look back on this incident. I ended up a little sore, actually, a lot more than just a little sore, but I’m really glad I finished that walk. 

 If you envision it, you can make it happen. Know why? Because you are. What are you? You are whatever you want to be in the moment! And, you are even more than you think!

Push yourself just a bit. It’s absolutely in you. 

 That spectacular, breathtaking view is right around the next corner.

Just sayin’ 

When I say trust the process, what comes to mind? The basic idea looks like this.  When we plant seeds, and when I say seeds, I mean ideas, plans, disicplines, whatever it is we put into place that leads toward your dream, your goals, trusting the process is letting go and allowing that ‘seed’ to sprout. Much easier of course when talking literally about the plant world, but with some inner work, very effective in life. 

For instance, an oak tree is hard-wired into the acorn. It has no other option but to become. 

It’s kind of like blind faith. It’s about believing, or knowing that everything works out. 

Nature provides us with many examples. One of the best ones I know is the metamorphosis of a butterfly. I read the story of someone who wanted to help the poor struggling butterfly emerge from the cocoon. They gently cut away the chrysalis. After getting the butterfly out, it couldn’t fly as it was weighed down by the excess meconium. That’s what that goop is called. 

The process of the struggle, of working its way out of the cocoon squeezes off the right amount of meconium and the rest goes into the exoskeleton to create and support the wing infrastructure. This hardens and enables the butterfly to fly. 

I was talking to a friend the other day and he said that when he lets go and trusts the process, everything goes well. And therein lies the rub …. Letting go. Whaaat? We like to have control over our projects and carry them through to completion. 

How much do you trust yourself? If you think about it, I’m betting you’ve earned a fair amount of trust in yourself up to this point in your life, because you’ve handled everything that’s come across your path. 

 Here’s a journal prompt… Write about an event that worked out even tho it didn’t look like it was going to. And even tho you didn’t have control over it, and it … just… worked out, did it turn out to be for the best? 

As we embrace this concept, good things happen to us, we become calmer, more patient, we have confidence in ourselves and the world around us. We pay more attention, which enhances our awareness, and facilitates our growth. 

We are a work in progress. Trust the process. 

It is always on our side. 

Just sayin’ 

The land begrudgingly wakes up from the long cold snowy winter. Aah yes, I remember it well. Wondering ‘will it ever end?’ And you know, what? It always did. The snow always melted, the temperatures always went up, the flowers always bloomed. Amazing, isn’t it? Where the leaves fell off the trees, allowing those trees to rest, new blooms, every year. It’s the constant rebirth of life. I could go on, but I’m betting you get the picture.

Spring is a beautiful, re-energizing awakening. How might this apply to us? We can create our own spring, whenever and wherever we like. In fact, we often do. When we take on a new project, when we learn a new skill when we make a decision to change something in our lives. That is analogous to being reborn. That is what spring shows us every year.

I’m doing this now, as I look to retire from my old business and start-up my coaching business. I’ve been tending the soil, planting seeds, and trusting in the process. The process that ensures that every single year, spring comes. That every single morning, the light overcomes the darkness. This is the same process that guarantees – that when we properly tend our gardens in which are planted the right seeds, and remember, these seeds represent our dreams and visions, anything really that we are not just lazily day-dreaming about, but actively creating and working toward, this process guarantees that we will get blooms. These plants will grow!   It is the nature of rebirth, the way of spring, the natural order of things. It can’t be any other way.

What seeds have you planted lately? Or, what seeds are you holding onto that are just waiting to be planted? There’s no better time than right now.

     Just sayin’

Right about this time last year, it was decided we had to go into hiding. From what? Something we knew very little about, except that it didn’t seem to be very friendly towards us. So, we did. We were in lockdown, in quarantine. Socially isolated. People got scared. Folks got lonely. Some did get sick. There were losses. Some just felt lost, confused. The world slowed down. The earth did some healing. I imagine many of us also did some healing.  Some learned to cook. Some learned to eat. We’ve pretty much embraced ZoomRooms as the new way to communicate and now zoom is forever a part of our lives.

Folks hunkered down and did personal work. Some realized they’re OK with themselves. Some realized how much basic human interactions are truly missed.  What have you learned about yourself over this last year?

New hobbies were started, old ones were dusted off. I’d love to hear about what you got involved in, what got you excited.

We became closer to family and friends. We learned a lot about ourselves and others… we observed, and experienced, fear, compassion, creativity, love, passion, loss, acceptance, and gratitude.

Now, it looks like restrictions are relaxing. We can go out to eat. There is live music again. People are making travel plans. There are real fans in the stands. I keep hearing about getting back to normal. Why would we want to go back? After all this growing, let’s embrace where we are – here!  Now!  Accept what is.

I’d like to hear some of your observations about how you have changed? Your opinions about how has the world has changed?  Do you feel we are better or worse off than we were a year ago? Remember better or worse is a judgment, right? So where we are, is where we are. Observe without judging. We’ve all grown. And to grow -to expand- is the natural order, the natural movement of the Universe.

One thing I know for sure is that whatever is thrown at us, we are resilient, we are creative. We have spirit!   We are survivors and we are thrivers, and we are better off for it. You know what? We have shown that we can have, do, or be whatever we choose. So remember, whatever you’re faced with, You Got This! 

Just sayin’ 

Judging. From the very beginning of time, and probably before that, people have judged. Why is that?  Let’s start with this definition. Judging is “The act of looking down upon someone; to regard as inferior.”

Judging suggests that there is a right and a wrong. And the very nature of being the judger suggests that you think you are right and somebody else is wrong. I believe a lot of these judgments come from a place of fear which sprout from a place of not understanding.  People are afraid of what they don’t know.  What could make someone so afraid of something they aren’t even involved in that they would react by judging someone else. 

When I touched on this last year, it was about me judging. I noticed that I was doing it. How I felt when I was doing it. What it meant, what I could learn and how I could stop it.  I think I did pretty well, but there is always more to learn.

Well, judging has come up again. But this time from a different angle.
This time, I’m feeling like I’m on the receiving end. Now I have an idea of how the person who feels they are being judged might react.  It’s not that I’ve personally been attacked, but the negative energy towards the one being judged, in this case, me, makes one feel as if they were being lashed out against. Then comes the feeling of needing to defend something that quite honestly doesn’t need to be defended.

I’ve been working to ignore it, as I know it’s not about me, but it is still sticking in my craw. I understand this comes from a place of caring, backed by a lack of understanding, but it’s judging nonetheless. I’m still curious about why it is happening, and I’m really wondering about the lack of communication around it. A visit is a very simple resolution.  On a side note, isn’t it amazing how many situations could be quickly and easily resolved with even just a little bit of communication?

When you notice yourself as judging, can you identify your truth about this? Remember that we tend to be afraid of what we don’t know. What are you afraid of?  I don’t know the answer to that, of course. It’s your fear, your question and it would be your answer. When you ask yourself the question, it will be interesting to see what comes up. And it might help to ask the question, get an answer, ask it again, get a different answer. Do this 2-3 times to get a deeper answer. You’ll know when you hit the answer that rings your perfect truth.

How nice would it be to go through your days not judging and understanding that if you feel judged, it’s not about you? You are perfectly fine. And so is everyone else.

Just sayin’