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Checking in from last week. I appreciate hearing from a few of you last week. I was observing that almost all the comments I got were from people whose inner weather is sunny and they are feeling good. That totally makes sense. That makes total sense? (Actually, I did have one person reach out and share a little rainy weather with me, so good on you for being vulnerable enough to put that out there.)

Honestly, I used to never reach out if I had cloudy weather to report. I’m trying to get better at that, because, our cloudy days are real, too. We all go through this. That’s the time we need to connect and know we’re not the only one feeling this and that the clouds do soon go away. Sometimes just acknowledging it and getting acknowledged, getting a hug, real or virtual, a couple of smiley faces, silly, I know, but that connection, knowing that we’re not alone, is powerful.

Vulnerability is strength. Being vulnerable, being in touch with what you’re feeling, being conscious, is truth. Red pill kind of truth.

When we experience these kinds of feelings, those feelings that suggest we’re in our cloudy weather pattern, we don’t want to admit it. And sometimes we’re so involved in it, we’re not really aware that we’re in it. But, it is what’s happening. Acknowledging it is key. Brene Brown says ‘Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.”

As we travel through these times, and there will be bumps, pay attention. Granted, it may have to be after the fog lifts, but that’s ok. If you can determine what’s behind them, as in identifying the cause, understanding occurs. Embrace it and assimilate it, which allows it to dissipate, then walk confidently and comfortably out the other side and you’ll be a little lighter not carrying around whatever it was that caused your rain, your pain. Now we’re experiencing true growth. Who wants some sun!!!

You Got This!

Just sayin’

Are you living your dreams, or just living this life? Do you even know what your dreams are? And if you don’t know, how will you know when you reach them? I know that for the most part, we’re living a fine life. Some are working, some retired. We’re sleeping inside, eating regularly, sometimes a little too much. We are raising or have raised kids. We enjoy our relationships. We’re doing the best we can to save something so we can retire. We get out every once in a while for some fun. (I know, these are challenging times for getting out, but  I’m thinking big picture. We’ll get out again) So, It’s a good life.

I’m wondering – are you happy? As in an ‘I’m in heaven’ happy?’  Like, “there is nothing I’d rather be doing different than what I am doing now” kind of happy?  And what does that even mean?   I go a few rounds with this question every once in a while. Here are a couple of ideas to chew on.

This idea of happiness, this pure -it doesn’t get any better than this- kind of happiness seems to be fleeting.  I’ve touched it at times. I like to think we’ve all at least visited that ‘truly happy’ place.   And when we do find ourselves in that feeling, in that place, do we take a moment and truly enjoy it? or does it just pass, and maybe we don’t even realize we were in it, until we’re not?

I’m thinking that to get there, to this place of happiness, we don’t need to do anything different than what we’re doing.  This happiness thing happens to us just by being. Being what. Being on purpose. Living on purpose. Being more than just ‘fine’.  Actually Being Happy! And, being in the moment. That’s where happiness resides.

For me, what we do or what we have isn’t really a measurement of how we truly feel about life. Interesting concept, but think about it. What if we just take a moment to look at things differently.  For instance, just have a little more gratitude for what we have. Focus on the little things. Be present. And with these simple observations, we won’t have to change too much of what we’re doing. Wayne Dyer said, “change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.” Dave says, change the way we look at things, and we can sit in the feeling of having it all. Maybe we are actually are living our dreams. Maybe, our dreams are just to experience happiness. If so, let’s take a moment and truly appreciate it.

Just sayin’

I can’t do that…. how do you know. Have you tried? There are so many things we’d like to do… ok, I’ll just talk about me. there are so many things I’d like to do. Drive over 100 miles an hour, mm, did that. Jumped from an airplane, ok, did that too. Conduct the Boston Pops in the “Stars and Stripes for Forever”? Now there’s a Bucket list item! Can I do that? I don’t know, I haven’t tried. But it would be great fun!

Let’s start with something simple. Meditation. I hear so many people say.. ‘I can’t meditate. I’m terrible at it!” What does that mean, terrible at meditating? Not possible! Anything that anybody does that is anywhere close to something that might be considered meditating is a good thing. Can you sit in a lotus pose for 4 hours without moving and have your mind take you somewhere amazing? Probably not – yet. Can you sit for 2 minutes and watch your breath go in and out? I bet you can. There. Meditation. Just takes a little practice.

Can you play the piano? Have you ever tried? I could -or someone could- show you a couple of chords, how they work in a song, and boom! You’re playing piano. Are you any good? Probably not. you’ve just been playing for 5 minutes. You wanna be better? Ya gotta practice. Remember the directions on how to get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice. How do you get better at meditating? Practice, practice, practice.

What do you want to get better at?…. writing, exercising? data entry? cooking? anything and everything is possible! Start somewhere. Start small. Lao Tzu says the journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. Whatever it is that you want to do, just start. Pretty simple. One step at a time. Then another. And another. You’ll get there. Where will you get? Depends on where you want to go. That one is up to you.

You think you can’t do that? You’re right. You think you can do that? You’re also right. What would you like to do? Think about that! Just sayin’

Freedom. What does it mean to you? When I say that word I think of Richie Havens singing ‘Freedom, Freedom” to open up the Woodstock festival. That was the beginning of an event where people of all shapes, sizes, colors and backgrounds hung out together for 3 days of love, respect for each other, and a little bit of rock and roll. It was an example of infinite possibilities. 

We’ve just celebrated the 4th of July weekend.  Since 1776 we’ve enjoyed the celebration of our freedom from a system we felt was oppressing us. We wanted to live as we choose to, not as someone else chooses us to.

Our country was founded on a principle of “certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”. What exactly does that mean? You have a right to life. To living it? To just having a life? Having a life covers a lot of ground, from living the dream life you envision, to simply being a carbon-based life form. 

A right to Liberty.  Liberty suggests the responsible use of freedom under the rule of law without depriving anyone else of their freedom. What are our freedoms? The biggest one in my mind is the Freedom to be.  To Be.   Not necessarily to have, to own, or even to do. We get to be whatever we want. and if we somehow are limiting ourselves, then we are not completely free. This is internal freedom, the absolute freedom that each of us has access to, and it has nothing at all to do with what might be going on outside of us. This is the type of freedom exhibited by folks like Victor Frankl and Nelson Mandela, who were physically locked up, but remained free in their hearts and minds. 

There is a lot of noise about our personal freedoms these days, the freedom of speech, freedom to marry anyone we want, the freedom to bear arms, the freedom to walk down the street without being accosted, the freedom to wear or not to wear masks. I’d like to touch on this example right now as it is current. Yes, you have the freedom to wear or not to wear a mask. Doesn’t someone else have the freedom to not catch your germs?  The folks who get paid to know this stuff have suggested that we wear masks for everyone’s protection. I’m not arguing one way or the other. 

Let me run a couple of things by you.  We’ve agreed to drive on a certain side of the road. The idea behind this is, if everyone respects this agreement, we won’t run into each other, and we will be free to live our lives and pursue our happiness. It is written that we have the right to own guns. We did not agree that we can shoot each other. These laws/rules/suggestions/guidelines are in place to allow everyone the freedom to live the life they want and to do no harm to anyone else. 

What do these two examples have in common? Respect.  Respect for others. The freedom I believe we’ve signed up for does not suggest your freedom at the expense of another’s. We can enjoy our personal freedoms, live our lives the way we want, and have respect for others to be able to live without fear of their freedoms being stepped on.

We are very blessed to live in a country that, at its core, is about freedom. We enjoy many freedoms here that other countries don’t have access to. 

Again, what does freedom mean to you?  To me, it means to be free in my heart and my mind. These are two freedoms that no one can deprive me of.  And. Life – of choice, of safety, without fear of oppression, Liberty – to live without having my freedoms attacked, and the pursuit of what I consider happiness. I believe we all want the same things, at our core. We want to create a comfortable lifestyle, choose our partner, eat regularly, sleep inside. Live and be at peace.  Allow everyone else the same freedom to live their life as they choose. It’s all about respect. just sayin’ 

Days of darkness? How ‘bout you be the light. We all know the stories of people who endured tremendous pain, unimaginable darkness, and are still considered to be beacons of light. You may have heard of Anne Frank, Viktor Frankl, Nelson Mandela, Why them?  They wrote about it. And we’ve been asked to sit around and watch TV, read and play cards for a couple of weeks. 

There are many in our midst who, with their peace and their positive focus have endured what other might be considered horrendous times. They didn’t say anything, just put their heads down and got to work, living.

Guess what? We can be them, if we let ourselves be. This is something that is happening around us. It is not us. It is not us!

     There will be time to get back to working 60+ hours a week. 

          There will be time to get back to sitting in traffic. 

               There will be time for being stressed. 

The markets will eventually rebound, sports and music will return, there will be plenty of toilet paper, and this will be relegated to a “remember when?”  

How ‘bout we make the most of the situation we’ve been handed. Embrace the time off. Embrace your family. Embrace yourself. Embrace your neighbor -from 6 feet away.      

With a little effort, we can turn this adventure into a blessing so large it’s hard to measure.   Turn that outer exasperation into inner peace. 

And we will absolutely come out the other side better for having been through this.               

Just sayin.

What do you think you want? Really want. I’m sure there is a list somewhere. It’s probably at least in your head. Let’s take a minute and talk about the reason behind the desire. 

Would you like a new car? ‘Course, who wouldn’t. But what would a new car do for you? Is it just to have the latest and greatest technology? Which could be great fun, of course… or do you want the security that comes with knowing you’ll get from point A to point B safely? 

How ‘bout a different place to live? Do you need or want more or different space? A different location? Or are you looking for that sanctuary that feeds you daily?  That warm honey feeling of ‘home’? 

High on many lists is a special relationship. Some are already in a relationship, but maybe it’s missing something. What are we missing? Someone to talk to, eat with, hold our place in line? Or are we looking for a connection with someone outside of us to help make us feel whole? 

The idea here, is that there is a usually a deeper more intimate reason behind all that we desire. If we take a minute and pay attention, we might find that we already have a lot of the feeling of what these ‘things’ bring us. With a little focus, we can know in our minds and bodies that we are safe. With a slight realignment of perception, we can be safe in our sanctuary wherever our bodies are. And with a little self love, we can have that wonderfully full feeling of wholeness. 

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have things we want, I’m suggesting that we can access the feeling behind them and live a happier more connected life with what we already have. Be grateful for what we have. Two last thoughts about that. First, having gratitude for the good we have attracts more of that good to us. Second, it’s hard, if not impossible to be grateful and be in a bad mood. And isn’t that feeling of contentment, security and love what we really really want?

Just sayin’

These early days of summer sure seem to be hosting a fair amount of activity. This activity is generating all kinds of thoughts, feelings and emotions.  It makes me wonder, how can we manage our personal weather patterns with all that’s going on around us? 

I know a lot of you, very compassionate, caring people are very upset with what’s happening on a few levels. We’ll touch on just a couple.

But first, we have to accept this plain fact … It is happening. There isn’t anything we can do about it, really. Or, is there? And what might that be? 

Take a breath, step back and realize that it is affecting you in some way. Try to go past ‘I am upset about…’  and identify ’What exactly is getting me upset?’     These events have many facets, many levels.   What ones are the cause of your reaction.  Is it the lighting of the fuse?  In this case, a man died. Needlessly. Is it the bystanders, the apparent attempt at a cover up? Not enough was done? This has caused the scabs to be pulled off old wounds. People are mad. Protesting, rioting, looting. Getting hurt. Buildings and cars being burnt. People’s livelihoods are being lost. We’re still dealing with racism? Heck, we’re still dealing with COVID. Think of all these possibilities. I’m sure there are angles and levels I’ve not touched on.

Now, what -if anything- can you do about it? There probably isn’t much we can do big picture. Can you talk to the country? Will anyone listen? can you stop the rioting, etc? Can you prosecute where necessary? Think about it. What can you do? 

You may be familiar with the concept/saying that fighting for peace is like shouting for silence. It just brings us more of what we don’t want. One thing that we can all absolutely do is to keep ourselves in a place of peace. As in calm down!  This may get a little woo-woo, but hear me out.  The world and it’s situations don’t need any more angst. It doesn’t need more anger.  What the world needs is Peace.

What a great example Mother Earth gave us by showing how, with the peace and quiet that happened in the world because we all stayed home, how much healing happened. There’s a lesson there. This kind of Peace, this kind of healing starts within and spreads outward.  One thing we absolutely can do is to be that Peace pebble in the pond and watch that ripple of our presence flow outward. It may be a small thing, but what if everyone did it, one ripple becomes two, two becomes many, many becomes a wave. A wave of peace. Picture that. Feel that. 

This what we can do. And if you are guided to do more, please do it. 

Just sayin’

As always, I’m curious as your thoughts on this. 

I almost hate to go here. Almost. But, hang with me for a minute, if you will.

Can we talk? There are many issues we could talk about these days. Do they affect people? Generally. Are they good or bad for some people? Yes and no. Do they have anything to do with the size of a person’s nose or what kind of car they drive? No — they don’t. What’s my point? Even though it might be on top of my head, my point is we have got to be able to talk to each other about what is going on.

We need to be able share our opinions, feelings, a couple verifiable facts, and maybe some creative, out of the box ideas on how to remedy this, or make that right…….. without attacking each other! Let me say that again, Without Attacking Each Other.

We are all living together on this rock, hurtling through space at about 1000 miles an hour. – Don’t you think, ok, I think it would be nice to live here with just a modicum of peace, acceptance, respect and understanding, basically because there is nowhere else to go. And that’s only one way to look at it.

Another way might be listening to a different point of view that could actually create a broader perspective. This doesn’t mean you have to agree. This doesn’t mean you have to change your mind. Or change someone else’s mind. What I’m suggesting is we come to an understanding of another point of view. Simple. Just an understanding.

We don’t have to like it. All we have to do is accept that this is a fellow human being’s personal viewpoint or opinion about a topic. We might want to ask questions about that viewpoint or opinion for our own clarification. Again, just the thought, not the person. No hating, no lashing out, no fighting, no talking about their mother. Discussion. Understanding.

It’s important that we have our thoughts. It’s important that we have our ideas. it’s important that we live with our values. It’s important that we respect everyone else’s rights to do the same. And it’s important to live with acceptance and respect.

Here’s a challenge. Talk to someone about something you may not agree on. Stay with the idea without bringing anything personal against the other, or anyone else. Try it for just a week. See how that feels. Get back to me on that.

Just sayin’.

 

When we were little, we loved to get scared. Boo.  We’d watch scary movies, go on the highest Roller Coasters. We love sneaking up on people and startling them. We’d laugh, and call that fun right? We caused it and it was temporary. Then getting a little older we’d start to be afraid of the dark. What was out there? Are there monsters under the bed, or snakes in the closet. And now, a little older, I’m afraid she won’t go out with me. I’m afraid I won’t pass the test, or get into the school or job I want.

Today, we’ve got all kinds of fears, fear of failure, fear of public speaking, fear of success, fear of death, even fear of fear itself. They’ve even got a name for it phobophobia.  And in today’s volatile and social media led climate, we are constantly inundated with fear from everywhere. all the time. What are we so afraid up? And what  exactly is fear, anyway? 

Fear is an involuntary emotion that signals immediate danger. Someone or something is dangerous. They pose some kind of threat and are likely to cause harm to our physical, emotional or psychological well-being. This can be real or imagined. And we can learn to become afraid of nearly anything. 

Basically, what it all comes down to, is the fear of the unknown. If it’s unknown, Why be afraid of it?  That’s why we invented worry. Worry is a choice! I’ve heard it said that worry is a prayer for what we don’t want.

We’re afraid of what people will think if they see the real us, so we put on a facade. The racism we experience is a result of fear of something different. You don’t look like me. So I’m afraid of you. We’re afraid of bosses. We’re afraid of teachers. Afraid of those guys who drive real fast. We’re afraid to meet someone with a beard. “Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” —Marie Curie

Where did all this fear come from? Why are we so afraid? Look where we live. On Earth. Beautiful Sunny rejuvenative forgiving loving Earth. Look at the bodies we are in. Functional, self perpetuating, self-healing. And we don’t even have to change the oil.

I was talking to a friend the other day, who’s mom died after a long illness. She said, “she’s in a better place’. A lot of people say that. If it’s a better place, why are we so afraid of it?  Dying is the most natural thing common to all life. No one gets out of here alive. Reminds me of a country song – fraid of living fraid dying.

What might happen if we weren’t so afraid of everything? If we didn’t worry about everything? How might that work? Start by stopping, and looking around. How are you right now? Are you safe? Good. Are you hungry? Eat! Cold? Put on Clothes? Lonely? Call someone. We have the capability to take care of ourselves. We are even capable taking care of others. I realize this can be a very small view, when there is the whole world to think about, but this small view is something we have complete control over. If we have control over us, why worry?  

Sometimes we’re afraid of something because of something in the past that happened to us – or someone we know. Let it go. Remember Raffiki from ‘The Jungle Book’? — ‘It does not mattah it is in the past”

Very simply, in this most perfect and always present moment of right now, there is nothing to be afraid of. Nothing!  

Do you really want to live your lives in fear? You don’t have to.  Stop. Breathe. Look around. Have gratitude for what is. And know that you are safe. 

Just sayin’

As always I’d love to hear your thoughts. They don’t scare me at all.

PERFECT! they said. Sounds good. Feels good. The emotional lift is palpable. I noticed this the other day when I had 2 people email me one word – PERFECT! What a great way to start the day!

Perfection is something that research suggests is impossible to achieve.  How many times have we tried?  In fact, with our thoughts of ‘It’s got to be just right”, how many times have we not even started, or maybe we’ve stopped halfway through, due to the fact -our impression-  that perfection would not be attained. 

Not even started. 

“I didn’t get to that project because of, umm because, and uh, well, um, if… oh yeah, I’ve got something else to do, and, and, and…”  All these little excuses really just point to the fact -conscious thought or not- that there is no way it will be as perfect it as we want it.  

Not even started.

Do we even know what perfection means to us? Will we even know it if we see it? That we’ve attained it? 

I’ve started looking at this a little differently. Instead of perfection, how ‘bout excellence? How about we take a project on, because we want to. We may feel driven or pulled to it. And besides, it might be fun!    Maybe we could lose that overarching specter of possibility that our project won’t turn out absolutely 100% perfect.   Maybe we could just have fun with it and do the best we can.

Maybe we could channel the spirit of Bill & Ted. I’m sure it will turn out to be ‘Totally Excellent’. At least it will turn out.

I’ve touched on how we try to do things to perfection. Let’s turn that camera inward. What do we see in ourselves that is less than perfect? And on what self judgement do you base that decision on? (Sorry, didn’t mean to get so close there). But the truth is we are very judgmental of ourselves and we hold many parts of ourselves to impossibly high standards. A little acceptance here goes a long way.  Our bodies, for instance, are amazingly perfect machines that do amazing things effortlessly.  Every little blemish and scar are reminders of incredible stories that illustrate the beauty of life itself.  And the way we show up in the world? That is perfection personified. Just as the butterfly, the oak tree, and the sunset. It just is.  

So, go ahead, be Totally Excellent. It’s the perfect way to roll!