Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. We’ve all heard this metaphor as a way to see a situation from somebody else’s perspective. Doing this allows us to better understand why they may be acting in a certain way, and what might be driving their behavior. It also helps us be more considerate and it allows them to be as they are with less judgment and a little compassion. Have you ever really taken the time to do that? How did that work out? I’d like to hear about your experience.
Here’s a bit of a different take on this. Instead of standing in their shoes to understand where they are coming from, stand in their shoes and look (back) at you. In other words, how do others see you?
Would that change how you show up in the world? Do you think you know how you are perceived by others? Does it matter? Do you care?
Folks have shared with me that they thought I didn’t like them, or that I’m arrogant and unapproachable. I truly believe that’s not who I am! Their observation could be attributed to the fact that, as some of you may know, I’m not the most verbose or gregarious person in the room.
Recently, I was confronted with someone who thought I was mad at them because of the way I responded, or in their mind didn’t respond, to a good morning. I’m just in my morning, in a good mood, it’s nice to see them. They say hello and I acknowledge them with a wink and a nod -a guy thing according to my daughter- and I’m on about my day. The way they received it was that I was mad at them for something, and they responded in kind. In fact, I had even started to feel animosity from them and wondered what had happened. (see how a simple misunderstanding can snowball?)
This way of seeing myself through others’ eyes showed me that I do not want people to think of me like that. That’s not who I am. So I modified my behavior ever so slightly, by simply saying hello to more obviously demonstrate that it is nice to see you, and that allowed me to be experienced in a way that I want people to see me. It’s not really putting on a mask, because it is the truth, but it is a little twist, a small adjustment that quite honestly presents a more real me, a more authentic me.
The idea is to be in congruence between the vibe you’re putting out and your authentic self. Be aware, though, we still can’t account for the way it might be received.
It’s not really ‘fake it till you make it’. We don’t want to be fake, or an imposter, but a powerful exercise of consciously living into our ideal image can be helpful in becoming.
Then, as we become, we wouldn’t be faking, because we are.
And that would be a good thing, yes?
Just sayin’