davamon – Page 2 – Coach Dave

What is Mine to Do?

Do you watch the news? There is a lot of awfulizing and catastrophizing going on. What is reported is generally not positive, uplifting, or encouraging. There are shootings, uprisings, people of ‘other persuasions’ are not being treated fairly. What is mine to do?

Prices going up. Income, well, isn’t. Families are being split apart by who is vaccinated and who isn’t. It hurts my heart. What is mine to do?

Climate change is a big challenge for everyone. The earth seems to be warming up. The polar ice cap is melting? What is mine to do?

Actually, there are many little things we can to do take care of the earth. There is recycling, driving less, wasting less. And if everyone did a little something, big changes would occur.

Options can be overwhelming when you look at how big the problems are and really, what can one person do? There are many things one person can do. We have to remember that nothing happens all at once. Everything started with something small, something simple. An idea, A seed. One tree starts a forest. A single step starts the journey. What is ours to do? What would you like to do? I bet you have at least one idea of something that can help somewhere! What if you just do that? And if one other helped you, your effort would be doubled.

The biggest and most important thing, in my opinion, of what is mine to do, what is ours to do, is that we can always treat each other with respect. This is where we can have the greatest positive impact on the world. Smile at a stranger. Hold the door. Don’t continue the potentially heated, hurtful arguments. Buy a coffee for the stranger behind you. Keep your peace when someone in traffic wants to go faster than you. By doing a bunch of these little things, these random acts of kindness, we can build a more peaceful and respectful place to live.

This is just the beginning of what we can do to live the lives we want, to create the world we envision.

And, one more thing… turn off the news.

Just sayin’

Share? Really?

Do you have someone that you talk to? Someone with whom you have those deep, intimate, meaningful conversations? I believe that women are better at this than guys are. Feel free to correct me if you disagree.

And by talk, I mean really talk. Those deep truths & soul-baring conversations that make you hold your breath a bit before speaking your truth kinds of talks.

I used to play very close to the vest, private. Call it what you will, but deep sharing was never one of my strong suits. I wouldn’t necessarily have said that about me, but, throughout my journey, I’ve heard this from friends and teachers. As I’ve been on my self-awareness/self-discovery journey, I find that being more open not only doesn’t hurt but actually helps. Helps what? Well, for one, it helps me to know more about who I am. Instead of just going thru life doing, acting, and reacting, it’s opened me up to closer relationships not only with myself but also with others.

I have friends who do what I call “live their lives out loud”. There is nothing about them, what they think, what they do, or what they’ve done that isn’t shared. I never really understood that. But what I’ve observed is they have good friends and quality relationships. And, quite honestly, it doesn’t seem to change anything. No one got swallowed up, no one went screaming from the room. It’s really just that a truth was spoken. In sharing our truths, we find that many of us share the same experiences, the same opinions, and the same inner fears, and dreams. I bet, if we were more open, more truthful in our conversations and we were to share more of our thoughts/opinions/fears and feelings, etc, we would not only connect more deeply with others, but we would connect more deeply with ourselves.

At the end of the day, we are all we have. Wouldn’t it be nice for us to know ourselves, to understand ourselves, to not have secrets from ourselves, and to be fully and completely ok with ourselves? The growth that comes from the awareness of our inner knowing would be substantial, and I believe we would experience more peace individually and around the world because of that understanding.

Shine

I was wondering what our life on earth must look like from the sky? I expect it looks like a mishigas of movement, with some semblance of chaotic order, like ants marching hither and yon. Where do we fit in this picture? With all this activity of life, do you ever feel lost? And maybe not really lost, but wondering what is my place in all of this? Like what am I doing? Or maybe, what is mine to do? Do you feel like you are in control or just going with the flow?

You know that you have a lot to say about the direction of your own life. Right?

The very first thing you were ever involved in ended up as a very successful and fairly substantial step towards a bigger expression of you. You fought your way to the front of billions of other sperm cells and got yourself born. That’s a pretty significant accomplishment right out of the gate, don’t cha think?

Something inside of you, something that is so deep inside of you that you’re probably not even consciously aware of it, really wanted to be here. And that desire, that drive, that’s what made it happen. That part of you is still very much alive.

A guy I know, Randy Gage, an internationally acclaimed inspirational author, and speaker says “If your dream is big enough and worthy enough, you will usually find a way to make it come true.” Then he goes on to say.. “But not all dreams are meant to come true. Some exist simply to challenge you into becoming a higher version of yourself.” Hmmm. Interesting, I say.

Is there something in the Randy’s statement that stirs up that deep fiery energy inside of you that lets you know that you can still create something big for yourself?

The being born example illustrates that if you are very intentional, you can make anything happen. Sometimes I wonder what happened to us -me included- that we let life happen to us instead of us taking the lead. It is our life and when we make a true decision to move forward, it’s pretty cool how often we actually succeed!

Remember, we got ourselves born.
After that, life should be easy.

Just sayin’

Self Care

Last week I took a little break. I drove up the coast road to Big Sur, generally considered one of the most beautiful stretches of road on earth. And in case you’re wondering, I agree. It is magnificent in so many ways.

I went on this outing to connect or if you will, to reconnect, to nature and to me. Last week we talked about human connection and highlighted relational, social, and emotional connections. We gave a passing wink and a nod to our relationship to ourselves. I believe this connection, this personal, intimate experience to ourselves is of utmost importance to our mental, physical, psychological and spiritual health.

So, practicing what I preach, I spent some time with me. I did go alone, and even though I wasn’t gone too long, it was extremely rejuvenating. I hiked, saw waterfalls, meditated on beautiful beaches, took lots of pictures, met some locals. I slept in my car – while parked on the beach – and one night I slept in a redwood grove.

I’ve heard that we take better care of our cars than our bodies. Why is that? I’ve lost count of how many cars I’ve had. I know I have one body! It carries around my one soul. Why wouldn’t I do the best I can to care for my one body, for the health of my mind to support the expansiveness of my soul? I believe I would want to keep myself in a condition that allows me the best experience of my life on this planet.

It’s very important to take care of you! What does that look like? Is it as simple as you taking you out for dinner? Maybe buying yourself something that you don’t really need, but that you really want? Could it be a mini-vacation with yourself, just to get away for a couple of days and recharge?

You know yourself better than anyone else, so you get to decide how to do this, but I’m strongly suggesting, that however you do it, take time for you. You are the only you you’ve got! Take Good Care of You!

Just sayin’

Feeling into your Life Vision

What is your life vision? Do you have a life vision? I didn’t really have one for a while and I just flowed through life participating in and accepting whatever presented itself. Not a bad life, but unsatisfying. And I wasn’t really in control of my path.

Who out there is pretty good at visualizing how you want your lives to look? You can see the house, the car, the relationship, the work, But are you accepting those things into your lives? Might there be a sort of disconnect between what you see in your dreams and the life you’re actually living?

Did you ever try to imagine what having these things feels like? The Universe, the Law of Attraction, or the ‘whatever you want to call it’, really responds to the emotional energy you put out in order to manifest your vision. What does that mean, exactly?

Think of a time when you experienced some kind of emotional upset and then you started not feeling well. That’s an example of a thought, in this case, an emotion, creating a thing, the physical discomfort. See how that works?

How would you like to set yourself up for your dream life? Here are four things to keep in mind when creating your experience.

First, one of the most important things is to be very clear on what you want. Make sure you focus on what you DO what, not what you DON’T want. For instance, “I do want a job that challenges me” as opposed to “I don’t want to work at a job that is boring”

Be grateful, both for what you have experienced and for what you now have. For what you’ve experienced because it got you to where you are now. And for what you have, because gratitude positively enhances the quality of the signal you’re sending into the quantum field. Conversely, doubt and negativity diminish the quality of the signal you’re sending. Whether you truly understand this concept or not, does it at least make sense? I get that it may sound a bit out there, but science keeps proving this over and over again.

Trust the process. When you plant your crops, ok, maybe you’re just planting a few vegetables, you don’t keep pulling them up to see if they are growing, right? Trust that you’ve planted this seed and it will be ready for you to harvest when it’s ready. I experienced this with the seed I planted almost 3 years ago with regards to selling my business. If that sale had happened immediately, it wouldn’t have been right. I wasn’t really ready for it. Over time, -the plant growing- I found my new business, the buyers were ready, and everything was in place. It worked out perfectly.

The last very important thing is to detach from the outcome. Sounds counterintuitive, I know. Sometimes the end result looks a little different than our original vision. Most of the time it turns out better. This goes hand in hand with trusting the process.

Bottom line, What you want wants you. And when you are ready, it will appear. Simple, right? Easy, not so much, but that’s what makes the journey so interesting and fun. Keep at it. It will happen for you.

Just sayin’

Connection

Connection! You know it. You’ve felt it! You meet someone and it’s palpable. That feeling of connection. It’s a beautiful thing, yes? Have you ever wondered what causes that? Do we need connection?

Human connection – the exchange of positive energy between people. It can be one of the most rewarding experiences in life. Notice I said positive energy. It makes sense that negative energy would repel, causing separation.

How are all connections? I’m not suggesting you take a look at your relationship to see if it’s working, though, checking in from time to time is always a good idea. I’m thinking more about your connection with yourself. Are you good with you?

How much do you really like you? What do you like about yourself? How about making a list of what you like about yourself. Do you treat yourself well? How well do you spend time alone? Do you sometimes prefer yourself over anyone else? These are questions people generally don’t ask themselves, but, it’s a good thing to check into from time to time.

If you’re not in a relationship, would getting into one make you feel whole? If you’re in one, do you feel whole? I’m thinking of that poster that says “I like who I am when we’re together’. Does that mean that you make me a better person? And if being with you makes me a better person, how come I can’t be that person without you? Or does it mean that when we are together I feel like I can be completely me? Interesting that it can mean two different things. How do you see it? Is there another way to see this I might have missed? Damn, Dave, way too many questions!

An emotional connection is a bond that holds partners together. It is one of the most important strengths for couples to have. Without a strong emotional connection, relationships can easily drift apart. Then couples could turn to counseling. But at least they’re aware of it because they checked in.

Social connection is now understood as a core human need, and the desire to connect is fundamental. We’re born with it. It is crucial to our development and without it, all social animals, and we are that, experience distress and other potential negative repercussions.

I bet being kinder to others would enhance social connections. Even those others we aren’t really connected to. Because, as you may know, at some level we are all connected.

We don’t know what others are going thru. That guy that just cut you off in traffic, maybe on his way to the hospital for a family emergency. The cashier who is less than friendly may have just had her car repossessed. That little kid who is acting up? He may have just lost his mom and doesn’t know how to process it. Allowing ourselves to feel a little compassion for another, or just accepting what is at that moment, is just one way of connecting. It is simply being open to a little understanding. Do it just because.

When we realize we’re being hard on ourselves, turn some of that compassion inward. That’s a powerful personal connection.

4th Agreement

This week we are finishing up our mini series on the 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I find the 4 Agreements to be a bit of a contract between yourself and you. A way to be. Just thought I’d throw that in. Here’s a quick review.

Agreement #1: “Be impeccable with your word”. This means to take responsibility for your actions and don’t judge yourself or others. This agreement focuses on the significance of speaking with integrity and carefully choosing words before saying them out loud

Agreement #2: “Don’t take anything personally”. Have a strong sense of self. We don’t need to rely on others’ opinions. Remember folks see everything from their unique perspective through their own filters, so what they observe is really about them. Also, not taking things personally can lessen or fully dissipate anger, jealousy, envy, sadness. I know it makes my day brighter.

Agreement #3: “Don’t Make Assumptions”. Assuming is allowing a potential misperception of a past event to inform your present moment. I’m going to assume, yes I am, that we want to live fully in this moment and make this moment count by itself, as itself. As this relates to dealing with others? Ask clarifying questions to avoid the kinds of miscommunications that could lead to sadness and drama.

Here we are at Agreement #4: “Always Do Your Best”. This one was pounded into me from when I was very young. Probably too young to really understand what it meant. And in that context, it can be a bit daunting. And, well, it was. Did I really do my best? What is my best? Who decides what my best is? What happens if I don’t do my best? What Don Miguel Ruiz suggests is that we do the best we can at this time, in this moment with the information we currently have access to. This makes perfect sense to me.

We can really only do what we can do. We can always look back and see what might’ve done. What we maybe should have done, but in looking back, we can only see what we did do. And as we are being open to living consciously, aware, and more on purpose, what we did or said in the moment, we have to accept as being our best.

Here’s a quick recipe to help bake in these 4 Agreements and how they can enhance our lives.

#1. Start from the inside with a solid filling of impeccability, or integrity with our word. Be careful to not judge ourselves or others. We know who we are and how we want to show up in the world. We know that we care and that we act with compassion.

#2. Add in a pinch,or two, of not taking anything personally. Show up as your authentic selves. What others think of you is none of your business.

#3. This is going to be an assumption-free meal, which allows us to be fully present in each moment. Treat each moment as a stand alone event, with fresh new eyes.

#4, Top it all off with your version of “Do Your Best”. Act with the confidence that you are on purpose. Be cognizant of what you are doing and why. Have comfort – that you’ve taken everything into account to be the best you can be in this moment.

Put into the oven that is your life and know that as it bakes, the person you are and the flavorful life you are creating will come out exactly to your liking.

And that is a satisfying meal that never stops pleasing.

Just sayin’

3rd Agreement

We’re halfway through our book by Don Miguel Ruiz called ‘The 4 Agreements’. This week is the 3rd Agreement, which is ‘Don’t make Assumptions’. What can be said about this one? We’ve all learned what happens when we assume, yes? Should I assume you already know this one? Probably not. I don’t want to make an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me’. See what I did there?

Why might we make assumptions? We’ve all heard, ok, I’ve heard about those inner voices that act to protect us. They’ve decided that it’s their job to keep us ‘safe’ from experiencing something -again- that caused us pain before. Assumptions are basically made up inner truths to support a version of an event as we perceived it. It might not necessarily be accurate. But, It’s our viewpoint. Colored by our perception and processed through our lens. Did it really happen the way we remember it? You may have heard that there are 3 versions to every story, yours, mine, and what really happened. We are very good at carrying our version with us.

Based on how you remember what you think happened, this whatever it is that happened in the past, might negatively inform what direction you might like to go next. For instance, If you want to put on a party for a friend, but the last time you did that, the caterer really messed things up. Or maybe someone wants you to speak somewhere and the last time you forgot your talk. Or I was talking with a friend today who took a real estate class in the past and didn’t pass the test. Thinking about doing these again might get you a little wigged out and cause you to be reluctant to even try. How long ago were these events? It’s been a length of time since then, and you are now a completely different person. You know the adage about not stepping in the same river twice. You’ve grown. So if you’re different now. Just ask yourself, “Just because that happened in the past, why does it have to happen that way again”?

We are all living right here in this present moment. Within that is the idea that nothing has happened before, because it is all in our memory. And nothing is going to happen in the future because the future will never happen. Every time the future shows up, it’s now. Why concern ourselves with something that may never happen.

Remember, assumptions are not based in truth. Make decisions in this moment based on the information you have access to at this time. Stay present and deal with what’s in front of you with the fresh eyes of someone who’s not been here before.

It’s exciting to think about what could be created when we are not blocked, or in any way stifled by something that might have happened in the past.

With this in mind you can’t go wrong.

Just sayin’

2nd Agreement

Let’s talk about the 2nd Agreement from the book “The 4 Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. And that agreement is…. Don’t Take Anything Personally.

I expect we’ve all been in situations where someone said something uncomplimentary, and we took it in. It changed our mood, our internal weather. Why is that?

What happens when someone says something good? We take that in, too. It feels good. See how our inner weather is influenced by what happens to us from the outside? Our mood fluctuates based on what others say. Based on that awareness, How does that concept sit with you

Nothing other people say is because of you. It is all about them. We view the world through a lens that has been created over a lifetime, or more, of perceptions, misperceptions, and they are shaded by emotions, reinforced by reactions, throw in some changing thoughts, fading memories… So when someone says something it comes from that place, it is their thought, their idea, their opinion, and it’s colored through their lens. If we think about it like that, how much truth about us is really in there?

Even if others lie to you, it is okay. They are lying to you because they are afraid of facing something in their lives.

And, if we are now incorporating what others say as a truth about us, we are not honoring the 1st Agreement… which is being impeccable with OUR word. See how that works

When we see people as they are, and allow them their views without our taking it personally, we can never be influenced by what they say or do.

You can’t control what people say. You can control how you react. Conversely, if whatever is said hits a chord, look for that place in you that might like a little attention.

By taking things personally we set ourselves up to suffer. For no reason, really. And who wants that? Just sayin’

1st Agreement

Lately, references to the 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz have crossed my path and I thought it would be fun to do a little jamming on these. The 4 Agreements is a book based on the ancient wisdom of the Toltecs, focused on four moral pillars. We’ll start with Agreement #1, Be impeccable with your word.

What does that mean? As you know, words have power. Power to create. Power to destroy. When you speak, do you speak with integrity? When you say something, how do you mean it? It’s best to avoid using your word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.

While in a conversation, listen with the intent to understand. Then, take a breath. Formulate your thoughts. Ask yourself, Is what you’re about to say true, kind, necessary? Be aware that many things, even true things, don’t need to be said! You’ll find yourself responding in a way that aligns with your values, your truth.

Also, take note of how you’re feeling. If you’re experiencing a bit of agitation, and only you know what that feels like, you may end up saying something you wish you didn’t. You won’t be able to take it back. You don’t get a do-over. Man, that hurts

As I work on this. I realized I’ve given me my word that I would send something every Monday. Life happens, and sometimes gets in the way, but my word, to me, is enough to make myself sit down and put something out.

What kinds of promises have you made to yourself that urges you to be your best self? What is your commitment to that word?

Think of your word as a contract. If you say you’ll be there or do this, and you can’t or you didn’t, that’s a broken contract. If there’s a chance you might not do it, saying, ‘I’ll try’ or ‘I’ll do my best’ allows you to retain the impeccability I believe we’d all like to live with.

Being impeccable with your word means watching your thoughts, paying attention to the way you talk to and about others, and paying attention to the way you talk to and about yourself. Doing this will help you be in congruence with your values, your vision, your hopes, and dreams.

Imagine, living impeccably and authentically, and your life is amazing on so many levels.

Just sayin’