Category: Being

They reached out.  “Would you please give a talk about how to be a better ewe?” “I’d be glaaaaaad to” I replied sheepishly. Turns out that’s not exactly what they were talking about. (I bet you knew that) 

 What does it mean to be a better you? Is there anything wrong with the way you are? Many theories, discussions about being a better you point to helping others, showing compassion, and similar attributes that are considered markers of good people.   These traits are all admirable qualities.   Many of these traits to be mostly about doing.

So many times the answer is embedded in the question.   The question is how can you be a better you? The answer is to be.   I might add one word – authentic.   Be Authentic. 

What does it mean to be authentic? It means you’re true to your own personality, values, and spirit, regardless of the pressure that you’re under to act otherwise. 

I suggest this pressure ‘to act otherwise’ to please others is self-imposed.   Listen carefully to your inner conversation to determine your motive.   Be aware that we are very good at justification.  

Helping others is in no way a bad thing.  If we are doing these things out of obligations, or shoulds, I question the authenticity, or to add another layer, the integrity of our actions.  Can we be the best version of ourselves without compromising our authenticity? 

To act in all the good, caring ways, and be comfortable with who you are in each moment is a step towards a better you.  A you one that makes the world a little better for everyone else. 

 And that’s not a bad thing.

Just sayin’

Today I’m musing about triggers. What exactly is a trigger? And I’m not referring to Roy Roger’s horse.  

My experience has been that when a relatively insignificant something happens during a regular routine, the reaction to that event far outweighs what might be considered an acceptable response. This is due to the resurfacing of a past event that got triggered. More often than not, we are not consciously aware of the past event. But when it shows up, watch out! 

As you might imagine or even have experienced, that response is not a whole lot of fun for anyone, and really tears a hole in the fabric of the moment. How can we not do that? 

Be aware that you got triggered, that there is a trigger. Pay attention to what was going on with you when that past event took over.   Once we take note of that, we will learn to notice when a trigger is about to get pulled. You can take a breath. And/or Remove yourself from the situation to calm down. Write about your experience in a journal. That helps to understand it. Do a quick exercise. Something physical. Whatever works for you to find your center, to get back to your peace. 

During this holiday season, with the families, parties, the extra stresses, the expectations piled on top of everything else going on, there are many opportunities to experience triggers. Be conscious of the situation you’re going into and be aware of what’s going on around you and within you. If you get triggered and you aren’t pleased with the way you responded, it’s ok. Go easy on yourself! Accept that it happened and that you are becoming aware of the triggers so it won’t happen again.

I like the idea of not letting events of the past mess with the purity and the peace of this moment. After a while, all your moments of now will be just that. Pure, present moments unencumbered by past events. And that, in my opinion, is a beautiful and peaceful thing.

Just sayin’

Is there a new beginning at the other side of every end? If we look at the ends with open eyes and open minds we can see them. (remember Shoshin?) Much like a wheel that goes round and round and round and round, Life never ends.

In New England, the seasons are distinctly defined. The end of one moves steadily into the start of another. Where we are now, -yes, I’m up here for a minute- the vibrant colors of the leaves, the crisp air, and the cooler temps, (I am not at all used to this anymore) signal a new beginning for Mama Nature. While she is getting ready for her new beginning of rest and renewal, some of us ‘borrow’ these changes to experience anticipation and excitement of what might be next.

The end of a sporting event is an example of an ending, whether it elicits exhilaration and satisfaction for one side, or regrets and renewed determination for the other. And as the season ends, teams and players find themselves in a new beginning of recuperation and preparation for next season, whether that be playing or a new life upon retirement.

The end of a relationship brings with it another type of new beginning. Potentially a little harder to see in the moment, and some may take a while to see what it means for them, but as they accept the situation as it is, their new beginning becomes clearer. Some see it as freedom. This observation comes from personal experience.   

Some beginnings happen as we outgrow our current situation. A chick’s new beginning starts as their home, the egg, gets tight, they stretch, break out of their shells. Same with the butterfly breaking free of the chrysalis for its new beginning. 

As we live our lives being focused in the moment, realize that we live in unison with life’s natural cycles. We like to mark them as endings and beginnings as that helps us make sense of it all, but, really, what we’re doing is simply living in concert with the natural order of the universe. And I think that connection is pretty cool. Just saying

Do you have someone that you talk to? Someone with whom you have those deep, intimate, meaningful conversations? I believe that women are better at this than guys are. Feel free to correct me if you disagree. 

And by talk, I mean really talk. Those deep truths & soul-baring conversations that make you hold your breath a bit before speaking your truth kinds of talks.

I used to play very close to the vest, private. Call it what you will, but deep sharing was never one of my strong suits. I wouldn’t necessarily have said that about me, but, throughout my journey, I’ve heard this from friends and teachers. As I’ve been on my self-awareness/self-discovery journey, I find that being more open not only doesn’t hurt but actually helps. Helps what? Well, for one, it helps me to know more about who I am. Instead of just going thru life doing, acting, and reacting, it’s opened me up to closer relationships not only with myself but also with others.

I have friends who do what I call “live their lives out loud”. There is nothing about them, what they think, what they do, or what they’ve done that isn’t shared. I never really understood that. But what I’ve observed is they have good friends and quality relationships.  And, quite honestly, it doesn’t seem to change anything. No one got swallowed up, no one went screaming from the room. It’s really just that a truth was spoken. In sharing our truths, we find that many of us share the same experiences, the same opinions, and the same inner fears, and dreams. I bet, if we were more open, more truthful in our conversations and we were to share more of our thoughts/opinions/fears and feelings, etc, we would not only connect more deeply with others, but we would connect more deeply with ourselves. 

At the end of the day, we are all we have. Wouldn’t it be nice for us to know ourselves, to understand ourselves, to not have secrets from ourselves, and to be fully and completely ok with ourselves? The growth that comes from the awareness of our inner knowing would be substantial, and I believe we would experience more peace individually and around the world because of that understanding.  

 

Last week we, touched on energy. I’ve been thinking about it, so I thought I’d share. Energy is all there is, everywhere, always. It cannot be created or destroyed, only modified. It takes all different forms, it vibrates at different frequencies. We are energy.  Our bodies, everything in them. Even our reactions to life are energetically informed.   Are you aware of your energy?   What does it feel like?   What is the energy I am giving off right now?

Energy in humans has been mapped out from very low to very high based on vibration. One of the lowest energies is apathy. Apathy could be created to avoid pain caused by feeling like a victim or feeling hopeless. We might say ‘I never win anything’ or ‘I could never do that’ or ‘I could never be that’. Those thoughts hurt, so we withdraw to a place of apathy, and it doesn’t hurt so much. When was the last time you withdrew, maybe to protect yourself from a sense of overwhelm?

Next up is anger. Anger rates higher than apathy because it creates action. It seems like anger might be perceived as a bad energy. There is no such thing as good or bad energy. Energy just is. It’s how we experience it, and ultimately how we use it.   Anger is a very powerful, short burst energy. We can’t sustain it for very long, but it actually can be used for good. For instance, If we are angry about something we are inclined to take action. And depending on what we do, that’s a good thing, yes?  That is an example of using a lower level of energy to your advantage.

There are more levels that I will be exploring and sharing with you. For now, notice your thoughts. I know we don’t like to consider ourselves as victims, but what if you thought, even fleetingly, something like ‘of course that would happen to me’? you might say, hmmmm. Is there really a small amount of that in me? Now that you’re aware of it, what might you like to do about that stinkin’ thinkin’?

At the end of the day, when you understand how energy works, you can modify it in yourself and show up in life the way you want to, on purpose.
                                                       
Just sayin’

Energy is all around everywhere in everything always. It cannot be created it cannot be destroyed, though it can be changed. Einstein measured it by E=MC2. Newton measured the energy of gravity. Scientists have measured how much energy is needed to send a rocket from into space. Kind of amazing when you think about it. 

I bet you’ve felt the energy of anticipation while waiting for the big game or a concert.  There is a different more subtle kind of energy at a wedding. What about the energy in a room you just walked into? Sometimes it’s buzzing, upbeat, happy. Sometimes it’s heavy, dark, draining, and you’re feeling, ‘I can’t wait to get out of here’!

Sometimes we’re full of energy and ready to go and sometimes all we wanna do is sit on the couch and watch stupid TV.

It makes sense that when you understand how energy works, or at least how it feels, and how to identify and modify it in yourself, you are better able to accomplish the visions you have for your life.

I have an idea. Pay attention to what’s going on around you. Can you feel the energy? How does that make you feel? Can you put a name to what you’re feeling? Can you change your energy, hopefully from feeling down to being more up?

Wouldn’t it be cool if we could on purpose be more upbeat, more positive, and more in control of how we show up in the world? We actually do have the power to control our own energy. They say that, energetically, like attracts like. Therefore we could attract more of what we like to us.

Wouldn’t that be cool? 

                                                         Just sayin’

How do you recharge? Last month we touched on relaxing, but there is a difference between recharging and relaxing. Being relaxed makes it easier for us to get through the storms of our lives. The visual being the bending of the palm trees in the hurricane. The tree says, what wind? I got this! (Smart tree)

Recharging is getting rejuvenated for whatever is next. This works even if, or especially if what’s next is the same thing as yesterday. Like work, for instance.  When we think of recharging we generally think of batteries. They get used up, we recharge them, and they are ready to go again. That’s how we are. We get used up. Exhausted. Beat. Spent. Toast. Done!  Then what? We have to Recharge. How? Bed? Shower? Massage? TV? Meditate? Spending time in nature. Walk on the beach? And sometimes our passions recharge us. What passions and hobbies do you have that recharge and rejuvenate you?

Here are some ideas that can help to recharge: Take breaks from things and people that bring you down. …Do something fun.  Spend time with close friends and family. … And to recharge your mind and your soul: Write out a list of your accomplishments. …  Let go of past mistakes. ……Take a break from technology.

Whatever it is for you and however you decide, life is much better when we are relaxed, rejuvenated and ready for,  whatever.

Relax and recharge.  And then…

Watch out world. 

Just sayin’

Hows’ your patience?

Last week we ushered in a new era of leadership. Half the people are happy, half, not so much. The people who were not happy at the beginning of the last administration employed patience along with hope that it would work out. The mindset being, it is what is, we’re in it! Let’s, hope for and expect the best. Now we have a new leader in the white house, we get a chance to work on this again. Let’s have a little patience along with hope and the expectation that this will work out for the best of the country and everyone in it. We need to give it some time.

Does this mean we have to just blindly accept whatever it is that’s going on in the world whether we like it or not? First of all, yes. We have to accept what is as it is. If we don’t like it, then we take appropriate steps to make whatever change needs to be/or can be made. And sometimes, that takes patience also.

It takes a long time to grow a strong tree. It takes time to build a solid business. It takes the time it takes to repair that road that was washed out in the flood. It takes work and patience to create that perfect relationship. 

Patience is a way of being that allows what is happening to happen. Lack of patience suggests that one is not happy with or does not accept what is currently going on. One classic example of this is ‘I’ll be happy when…’ If we were to always wait to be happy, we’d never really be happy. And that moment is always fleeting. I’ll be happy when I get that new car.  Guess what, it won’t be new very long. Then what do we have to wait for to be happy? Why wait. Be happy now! And have patience. Everything will get here in due time. At the right time.

Just sayin’

There is a lot of anger, confusion, and fear around what happened at the Capitol last week.  It got me thinking about Power vs Force.

The invasion was an exercise, an example, of force. The ending result was an example of power. The power of a process, and belief in that process that has lasted centuries and has led this country to be a global power. 

An oak tree is an example of power. It just sits there and grows, providing shade, beauty, homes for animals, and effortlessly does what oaks do. It withstands the force of all manner of storms and continues peacefully existing. It is power.          

Storms happen, and we’ve experienced that temporary release of energy. It is a powerful force. Sometimes the tree gets damaged but doesn’t die. It just stands there in its power and effortlessly continues to grow. Over time it becomes more beautiful and interesting in its own way. That life power is stronger than any force. 

I know, man can come and cut it down, remove its roots and completely kill it. Man has used lots of force over the years to do that and more. Maybe not one of our best attributes.

Events created by Force are like dark clouds & quickly pass. 
Events created by Power radiate light and are everlasting. 

Are you in touch with your power? 
Imagine what beauty and light you are capable of