Category: Mindset

How many times have you found yourself spending way too much time perusing social media? I’ll admit to every once in a while taking a peek at the best of everyone else’s life. A beautiful exciting life that I’m not part of it. Does it make your life seem a little less? Does it make you feel a little less?

These are merely snapshots. The high points. Their ‘Director’s Cuts’. What’s going on behind the scenes? Between the scenes? Eating, sleeping, laundry, kids, downtime, working to pay the bills, paying the bills. Regular life. We all participate in it.
What feelings come up for you when looking at others’ snapshots?
Imagine the joy we would feel by seeing our own lives as picture-worthy. There we are, living our great life, our life of choice, even if we’re not sailing the Caribbean on a 40’ catamaran. (Now, that would be great fun!)

I bet your ‘Director’s Cut’ would look very exciting to someone else. The grass is always greener.

Find gladness that these amazing lives are happening. Share in the joy you see. Be grateful for all the good. That feeling of gratitude attracts our good to us.

We have chosen the full and satisfying life we are living. And if we want to have a different experience, we get to choose that one too.

Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. We’ve all heard this metaphor as a way to see a situation from somebody else’s perspective. Doing this allows us to better understand why they may be acting in a certain way, and what might be driving their behavior. It also helps us be more considerate and it allows them to be as they are with less judgment and a little compassion. Have you ever really taken the time to do that? How did that work out? I’d like to hear about your experience.

Here’s a bit of a different take on this. Instead of standing in their shoes to understand where they are coming from, stand in their shoes and look (back) at you. In other words, how do others see you?

Would that change how you show up in the world? Do you think you know how you are perceived by others? Does it matter?  Do you care?

Folks have shared with me that they thought I didn’t like them, or that I’m arrogant and unapproachable. I truly believe that’s not who I am! Their observation could be attributed to the fact that, as some of you may know, I’m not the most verbose or gregarious person in the room.

Recently, I was confronted with someone who thought I was mad at them because of the way I responded, or in their mind didn’t respond, to a good morning. I’m just in my morning, in a good mood, it’s nice to see them. They say hello and I acknowledge them with a wink and a nod -a guy thing according to my daughter- and I’m on about my day. The way they received it was that I was mad at them for something, and they responded in kind. In fact, I had even started to feel animosity from them and wondered what had happened. (see how a simple misunderstanding can snowball?)

This way of seeing myself through others’ eyes showed me that I do not want people to think of me like that. That’s not who I am. So I modified my behavior ever so slightly, by simply saying hello to more obviously demonstrate that it is nice to see you, and that allowed me to be experienced in a way that I want people to see me. It’s not really putting on a mask, because it is the truth, but it is a little twist, a small adjustment that quite honestly presents a more real me, a more authentic me.

The idea is to be in congruence between the vibe you’re putting out and your authentic self.  Be aware, though, we still can’t account for the way it might be received.

It’s not really ‘fake it till you make it’. We don’t want to be fake, or an imposter, but a powerful exercise of consciously living into our ideal image can be helpful in becoming.

Then, as we become, we wouldn’t be faking, because we are.

And that would be a good thing, yes?

Just sayin’

I saw friends play the other night. Yeah, I actually went out. I’ve played with them a lot, but this is the first time I sat out front and watched, and listened. I experienced it with new eyes, -new ears really- and saw them from a fresh perspective, as if seeing them for the first time. Shoshin! 

While discussing money hangups with a friend, it was brought up that many folks carry lifelong preconceived ideas about money. I’ve worked with some to help move those ideas that do not serve them out of the way. This conversation caused a fresh light to be shined on my own ideas. Shoshin! 

How cool is it to be a tourist guide in the area you live to someone who has not been here before? You get to see your city, the one you’ve gotten used to with new, fresh eyes. Shoshin! 

Shoshin, or beginner’s mind, is the art of experiencing that which you’ve experienced before as if it were the first time. The goal, and our challenge, is to put preconceptions on the shelf and act like we don’t know, so we can see the world from a place of freshness and openness. It’s as if we see the world through the awe and the wonderment of the eyes of a child. Everything is new, fresh, magical.

What if we were to look at our world through the eyes -the mind- of shoshin? We would generally be more upbeat, more joyous, more alive. We would see many different perspectives of our world and we’d be able to make better more conscious decisions because we aren’t encumbered by what we think we know based on past experiences. Fresh eyes. Shoshin! 

This brings to mind the childlike magic of our holiday season,  The first, and the biggest, of course, is the childlike belief in Santa Claus. We used to believe in flying reindeer and a big guy with a beard in a red suit delivering toys to everybody in the world in one night. Remember the look of anticipation on the faces of little kids Christmas morning, and it gets better they go downstairs? Remember your own experience? That’s magical. 

In a more grown-up way, I think the original idea of Thanksgiving has a little bit of that magical quality to it. Picture this. People from 2 different parts of the world, two completely different cultures, two completely different languages, actually getting along, helping each other out, then sitting down for a big meal to celebrate it. There’s absolutely magic in that. 

Isn’t that the kind of magical world you’d like to live in? I know I would. 

Just sayin’ 

 

Do you feel powerful?  If you did, what would that feel like?  What would you do differently? Do you know how powerful you actually are? First off, what do I mean by powerful? I believe that inherent in our being is a creator. We are the creator of our lives. We are at cause. We get to decide what we do, how we do it, where we do it and with whom. And if we end up in a situation that isn’t exactly what we planned or we aren’t happy with, we get to change it. That kind of Power.

You may wonder that if we created something how can we be unhappy with it? We did the best we could at the time with what we had to work with. Things change, we change, and what is important to us morphs over time. It’s ok to create something, realize that wasn’t exactly what we wanted, and change it. We get to create again.

Why are we not living the lives we envision for ourselves? The ones we allow ourselves to dream about in our safe places. Whatever that dream is to you, it is your dream. Honor that. I do. So, why don’t we allow ourselves to dream? I think it’s mostly because we don’t believe we have what we dream about. Because we limit ourselves with outside influencers such as money, time, other people, the economy, etc. Because there are internal influencers like lack of self worth, limited beliefs, all manner of stinkin’ thinkin’. Is it possible that deep down we could be afraid that we may actually get what we dream about? Then what?  

There’s a Marianne Williamson poem called ‘Our Greatest Fear’. The premise is that we are not afraid of our darkness, or that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are ‘powerful beyond measure’. That we are actually afraid of our power. Does that maybe answer the question that, if we are all that, why do we play small. Is it maybe to make those around us comfortable? We don’t want others to feel insecure!  Or are we just blaming them so we don’t have to work so hard.

I believe that if we’re trying to be something we’re not, we’re being inauthentic. In this case we’re playing small when we’ve got so much to offer.  It’s like jumping up in the air and trying not to let gravity pull you down.  It’s much more work to try to be something that we are not!

I admit, getting real with with this idea could be a tough one. But I encourage you to ask yourself the tough questions. Start with, do I have what I really want, and if not, why not. And just keep asking again and again until you hit a nerve. That’s the sign that you are facing your truth.  It could be the start of something slightly unnerving, a little scary, and ultimately amazingly beautiful and completely freeing.

Just sayin’ 

Awareness… the state of being conscious. Conscious of what? Conscious of what we’re thinking, feeling, how we react or respond. Being aware of how we talk to ourselves, how we show up in the world. Awareness of options, of our why.

Conscious awareness is a way of being in the world on purpose. It’s a good thing to pay closer attention to our lives. We don’t know what we don’t know. You may have heard about the fish who turns to his friend and says, ‘what water?’

We all have a filter through which we see the world. Anais Nin says “We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are’.  How aware are you of your filters? 

Imagine, living in conscious awareness of just what is. Plain, simple, facts. No ego, no judgment, no emotion. Truth!  And the acceptance of it!

There is peace in acceptance. It doesn’t mean you have to like what’s going on, but knowing what is allows a conscious decision to be made. And to get to where we want to be, to move into the life we want to live, we first have to know where we are. Then we can figure out how to get there.

In the meantime, focus on what you’re doing. Be aware of what’s around you, how you’re acting, and the energy in the room. Then, accept what is. With Awareness and Acceptance, you are at choice, at cause over your life. And That’s a beautiful thing…  

   just sayin’ 

We’re all aware of the craziness of the times and the distractions. I was running errands the other day and I was lost in the moment just thinking about things. Have you ever been at a light where the cars around you go, so you just react and start forward? It’s either that or apply the brake harder. Well, this time, when the cars to each side of me started, I rolled forward, the guy in front of me didn’t. Fender Bender. Damn. I got out and checked it. No big deal.

The guy from the car in front got out and looking over, I see that he was what would be considered in today’s PC world as vertically challenged. He was about 3½ ft tall. Well, he walked back, obviously a little peeved, saw the bumpers, looked up at me and said, ‘I’m not Happy’

I looked down at them and said, ‘Which one are you?’

Smilin’? You can see I am.. That gets me every time. Are you feeling a little lighter? Sit in that for a moment. It’s palpable.

See, those rainy day feelings of sadness, loneliness, anger, judging, holding a grudge feel heavy. At least to me they do. If we’re not paying attention, it can get tiring carrying these emotions around. We can use these physical aspects as a barometer to be aware of our inner feelings as we talked about before.

There’s a concept, I’m sure you’ve heard called Enlightenment. Basically its an idea, a label of how much a part of the Light we are, if that idea resonates with you. I saw this checklist of things for us to take notice of. You can use it as a kind of measurement as to how we’re doing on our path, of course, if you find yourself on this type of journey. Some of the signposts are:

If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining,
If you can truly understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can ignore a friend’s limited education and never correct him or her,
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, gender preference, or politics,
–Then you have almost reached the same level of spiritual development as your dog!

Have a smiling sunny day, and, Be the Light.

Just sayin’

Everyone has a story
Everyone is a story

Everyone’s story is constantly being written. Look at the story of your life. What cover are you showing the world?

We’ve all heard that familiar adage –  ‘don’t judge a book by it’s cover’.   Let’s not assume that we know the story that is behind or underneath the cover of the people we deal with.   Especially the rest of the people in our world, the ones we see out and around.  We don’t really know all of them and we truly don’t know what they’ve been through, or more important, what is currently going on with their lives at this moment.

What to do about that? Be kind! Simple.
And It may just be enough.
Just sayin’