Month: July 2021

EXPECTATIONS! How many of you live with expectations? How many of these expectations don’t pan out? How do you feel when that happens? There are many great sayings about expectations. Most point out that having expectations will more often than not lead to disappointment.

I believe expectations often arise from the need to control, which sits right alongside the idea of perfection. How likely is perfection in your life? I’ve decided that I no longer strive to achieve perfection. Not possible. Excellence is good enough. And depending on what you’re doing, really good is just fine! We’re the only ones that truly care. And where do those messages, those expectations of perfection come from?

I think we make most of them up. There was one point in my life, where I found myself swimming in the deep end of other people’s expectations and I almost drowned. And the thing is, They probably didn’t put them on me, or this wasn’t even discussed. It was more a case that I chose -probably not consciously at that time- to live as I thought they expected me to. There’s a recipe for potential massive upset.

There’s this great quote from author Donald Miller that says – “When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” *** When you stop expecting*** I’ve personally experienced this in my life and find that the relationship is so much richer and love flows more easily when accepting people for who they are.

When we put expectations on a situation, we may be limiting possible outcomes. We don’t want to limit what goodness might be coming our way. Outcomes often far outweigh anything imagined. I was working with this woman who lost her live-in boyfriend and her job at the same time. This obviously didn’t feel good as it was completely out of anything she expected. She took a breath & accepted what was. And then, took advantage of the sudden freedom to enjoy an extended visit to Italy. Upon returning, she quickly got a better job and soon after found the ‘love of her life’. True story. No one could have forseen that outcome. And was it better than anything she might have expected? I think so. Especially if she had tried to control things.

Where do you have expectations? On whom do you have expectations? Where do you feel, perceived or otherwise, that you have expectations placed on you? And being aware of this, where can you begin to let some of these go?

Imagine the peace you can experience and all the pleasant surprising outcomes, just by acceptance and being in the flow. Just sayin

Happiness. Are you happy? What makes you happy?  What does happy feel like? If something can make us happy, doesn’t it make sense that something could make us unhappy? 

I believe that happiness ebbs and flows and is contingent on externally triggered stimuli: other people, things, places, and events. Happiness is a destination. 

Joy is an attitude. It’s more consistent, longer lasting and is cultivated internally.  It carries with it no burden or expectation. It comes when you are at peace with who you are, why you are and how you are.

When people say they are happy I wonder if contentment, a peaceful easy feeling or satisfaction is actually the feeling and the word happiness is just a synonym for these feelings.

The world we experience is seen through our lenses, our filters, which colors our perception of it. Which also means we can manage our experience, by choosing how we’d like to see things.  Here’s a little something to think about.. How would you like to experience your life?  You get to decide.  

One example of the difference between happiness and joy is: winning the lottery would bring happiness, building a business that earns that same money would bring joy. 

Gratitude evokes joy. Living within your moral code, Inner peace and contentment, serving others gives rise to joy. Your spiritual connection, regardless of how you define it, inspires joy!  I purposely didn’t say these things create joy because joy is already within us. And because joy is part of you, you can even experience it during dark times by appreciating the little things that already bring you joy.  That morning cuppa, a walk, hobbies… 

You can absolutely live a life that’s happy. You can have fun, connect, laugh, and as long as that is happening,  it’s all good. And when it’s over,  Then what? Happiness fades.

On the other hand, you can invite in or allow that complete feeling of joy that only you are experiencing because it is in you. It is a part of you. Never to leave. No one or no thing can take it away from you. Ever.  

Happiness or joy? Your choice. 

Actually, there’s no reason we can’t have both.

Just sayin

Habits. Some we call bad. Some we call good. Habits are just things we do. Often unconsciously.

One day, while taking a shower, I noticed that I tend to follow a pattern. Is that a bad thing? Probably not, but I’m not being present. I try to change it up sometimes just to make sure I am being present. Have you ever driven home from work or after being out for an evening and after pulling into the driveway, wondered how you got there? I notice that when I’m not being present is when I do things like trip up steps.

Smoking is a habit. One that we know all too well by now that there is really nothing at all good with that habit, but many continue to do it. Why is that?

Other habits we engage in: exercising, eating, TV, checking the news feeds. If you were to stand back and take a look at your patterns, how would what you call your habits make you feel? You might want to write some of these observations down.

As you may know, I’ve changed careers. I sold my window business and am now coaching full-time. My previous life was client-focused. It was structured to be managed by the schedule. And along with the physical labor of doing the daily work, I had to do the marketing to make sure I had work coming in. It definitely kept me busy. Starting my new adventure, and, not being as tied down to a calendared to-do list, at least not yet, I find it is alarmingly easy to get up, sit at the desk, peruse social media, have a coffee, make a couple of calls, and the next you know, it’s lunch and nothing has really gotten done. Where does the time go?

I’m working to develop a different mindset, different habits. I want to create habits that support my new endeavor, and also allow me to achieve a life balance that was missing before when all I did was work. Of course, I have to see what these habits will be. How can I do that, I’ve not lived that life yet?  I get to make it up.

I started something called The Miracle Morning. It’s a method of getting up a little early to get the blood flowing, read, write, and there are other exercises to get the day off to a good positive start. I’ve been doing this for about a week now and have noticed I am more focused, and purposeful. It appears that this is quickly becoming a habit. One that I believe is a good one.

They say -and we’ve talked about who ‘they’ are- it takes anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 months to properly create a habit. I think it depends on what you’d like to accomplish. What is it that you would like to see in your life, that up till now hasn’t materialized the way you envision it? Identify it and make a change. Start small. Do you want to be more present? Try brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand. You want a little more exercise, but can’t really find the time? Park at the other end of the lot to get some walking in. Just do something. Simple, yes? Easy? Maybe.

But, if you have a vision for a part of your life that you are not experiencing, listen to Einstein – “You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” And you can change your mind to modify your behavior to achieve what you want, to create the life you want, to be who you want. Go ahead! Start a new habit! Just sayin’ 

Just sayin’

The other day, while taking advantage of the very easy and overly efficient Amazon return desk at Kohl’s, a woman behind me was grousing a bit, not being really happy about doing business with Jeff Bezos.  She didn’t like the reach that Amazon has, feeling that their hands are in too many pies, and that a monopoly is either in place or will soon be.      I’m not judging, but she seems to be out of alignment with the values she shared with me. 

What about you?  Is there something you disagree with concerning your job or the company you work for, but it pays the bills, so you continue to work there?   Are you maybe justifying a relationship that has become unfulfilling just to have someone to hang out with?   You’re not alone, we’ve all done it.

Is there another situation somewhere in your life that is not in alignment with your values? And you put up with it just because it’s easier? When you think about it, how does that feel?

We just celebrated Independence Day. What are you doing to create or declare your independence? Shout it to the mountain tops. And share it below! We all want to celebrate with you!

I’m celebrating my personal Independence Day. Starting tomorrow, I will be Coach Dave full-time. This project has been spreading its roots for a few years and is now coming to fruition. This new adventure is totally in line with my value of service and helping others.

I’m suggesting you might want to take a minute to see how your values line up with the life you’re leading. For some, defining values can be a bit of work, because they morph, and change over time. It’s worth it, because knowing what your values are, makes it easier to align them with your purpose, which leads to inner peace and harmony. 

Just sayin.