Month: October 2021

Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. We’ve all heard this metaphor as a way to see a situation from somebody else’s perspective. Doing this allows us to better understand why they may be acting in a certain way, and what might be driving their behavior. It also helps us be more considerate and it allows them to be as they are with less judgment and a little compassion. Have you ever really taken the time to do that? How did that work out? I’d like to hear about your experience.

Here’s a bit of a different take on this. Instead of standing in their shoes to understand where they are coming from, stand in their shoes and look (back) at you. In other words, how do others see you?

Would that change how you show up in the world? Do you think you know how you are perceived by others? Does it matter?  Do you care?

Folks have shared with me that they thought I didn’t like them, or that I’m arrogant and unapproachable. I truly believe that’s not who I am! Their observation could be attributed to the fact that, as some of you may know, I’m not the most verbose or gregarious person in the room.

Recently, I was confronted with someone who thought I was mad at them because of the way I responded, or in their mind didn’t respond, to a good morning. I’m just in my morning, in a good mood, it’s nice to see them. They say hello and I acknowledge them with a wink and a nod -a guy thing according to my daughter- and I’m on about my day. The way they received it was that I was mad at them for something, and they responded in kind. In fact, I had even started to feel animosity from them and wondered what had happened. (see how a simple misunderstanding can snowball?)

This way of seeing myself through others’ eyes showed me that I do not want people to think of me like that. That’s not who I am. So I modified my behavior ever so slightly, by simply saying hello to more obviously demonstrate that it is nice to see you, and that allowed me to be experienced in a way that I want people to see me. It’s not really putting on a mask, because it is the truth, but it is a little twist, a small adjustment that quite honestly presents a more real me, a more authentic me.

The idea is to be in congruence between the vibe you’re putting out and your authentic self.  Be aware, though, we still can’t account for the way it might be received.

It’s not really ‘fake it till you make it’. We don’t want to be fake, or an imposter, but a powerful exercise of consciously living into our ideal image can be helpful in becoming.

Then, as we become, we wouldn’t be faking, because we are.

And that would be a good thing, yes?

Just sayin’

I saw friends play the other night. Yeah, I actually went out. I’ve played with them a lot, but this is the first time I sat out front and watched, and listened. I experienced it with new eyes, -new ears really- and saw them from a fresh perspective, as if seeing them for the first time. Shoshin! 

While discussing money hangups with a friend, it was brought up that many folks carry lifelong preconceived ideas about money. I’ve worked with some to help move those ideas that do not serve them out of the way. This conversation caused a fresh light to be shined on my own ideas. Shoshin! 

How cool is it to be a tourist guide in the area you live to someone who has not been here before? You get to see your city, the one you’ve gotten used to with new, fresh eyes. Shoshin! 

Shoshin, or beginner’s mind, is the art of experiencing that which you’ve experienced before as if it were the first time. The goal, and our challenge, is to put preconceptions on the shelf and act like we don’t know, so we can see the world from a place of freshness and openness. It’s as if we see the world through the awe and the wonderment of the eyes of a child. Everything is new, fresh, magical.

What if we were to look at our world through the eyes -the mind- of shoshin? We would generally be more upbeat, more joyous, more alive. We would see many different perspectives of our world and we’d be able to make better more conscious decisions because we aren’t encumbered by what we think we know based on past experiences. Fresh eyes. Shoshin! 

This brings to mind the childlike magic of our holiday season,  The first, and the biggest, of course, is the childlike belief in Santa Claus. We used to believe in flying reindeer and a big guy with a beard in a red suit delivering toys to everybody in the world in one night. Remember the look of anticipation on the faces of little kids Christmas morning, and it gets better they go downstairs? Remember your own experience? That’s magical. 

In a more grown-up way, I think the original idea of Thanksgiving has a little bit of that magical quality to it. Picture this. People from 2 different parts of the world, two completely different cultures, two completely different languages, actually getting along, helping each other out, then sitting down for a big meal to celebrate it. There’s absolutely magic in that. 

Isn’t that the kind of magical world you’d like to live in? I know I would. 

Just sayin’ 

 

Do you watch the news? There is a lot of awfulizing and catastrophizing going on. What is reported is generally not positive, uplifting, or encouraging. There are shootings, uprisings, people of ‘other persuasions’ are not being treated fairly. What is mine to do?

Prices going up. Income, well, isn’t. Families are being split apart by who is vaccinated and who isn’t. It hurts my heart. What is mine to do? 

Climate change is a big challenge for everyone. The earth seems to be warming up. The polar ice cap is melting? What is mine to do?  

Actually, there are many little things we can to do take care of the earth. There is recycling, driving less, wasting less. And if everyone did a little something, big changes would occur.

Options can be overwhelming when you look at how big the problems are and really, what can one person do? There are many things one person can do. We have to remember that nothing happens all at once. Everything started with something small, something simple. An idea, A seed. One tree starts a forest. A single step starts the journey. What is ours to do? What would you like to do? I bet you have at least one idea of something that can help somewhere! What if you just do that? And if one other helped you, your effort would be doubled. 

The biggest and most important thing, in my opinion, of what is mine to do, what is ours to do, is that we can always treat each other with respect. This is where we can have the greatest positive impact on the world. Smile at a stranger. Hold the door. Don’t continue the potentially heated, hurtful arguments. Buy a coffee for the stranger behind you. Keep your peace when someone in traffic wants to go faster than you. By doing a bunch of these little things, these random acts of kindness, we can build a more peaceful and respectful place to live. 

This is just the beginning of what we can do to live the lives we want, to create the world we envision.

And, one more thing… turn off the news.

Just sayin’