Month: August 2021

This week we are finishing up our mini series on the 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I find the 4 Agreements to be a bit of a contract between yourself and you. A way to be. Just thought I’d throw that in. Here’s a quick review. 

Agreement #1: “Be impeccable with your word”. This means to take responsibility for your actions and don’t judge yourself or others. This agreement focuses on the significance of speaking with integrity and carefully choosing words before saying them out loud 

Agreement #2: “Don’t take anything personally”. Have a strong sense of self. We don’t need to rely on others’ opinions. Remember folks see everything from their unique perspective through their own filters, so what they observe is really about them.   Also, not taking things personally can lessen or fully dissipate anger, jealousy, envy, sadness. I know it makes my day brighter. 

Agreement #3: “Don’t Make Assumptions”. Assuming is allowing a potential misperception of a past event to inform your present moment. I’m going to assume, yes I am, that we want to live fully in this moment and make this moment count by itself, as itself. As this relates to dealing with others? Ask clarifying questions to avoid the kinds of miscommunications that could lead to sadness and drama.

Here we are at Agreement #4: “Always Do Your Best”. This one was pounded into me from when I was very young. Probably too young to really understand what it meant. And in that context, it can be a bit daunting. And, well, it was. Did I really do my best? What is my best? Who decides what my best is? What happens if I don’t do my best? What Don Miguel Ruiz suggests is that we do the best we can at this time, in this moment with the information we currently have access to. This makes perfect sense to me. 

We can really only do what we can do. We can always look back and see what might’ve done. What we maybe should have done, but in looking back, we can only see what we did do. And as we are being open to living consciously, aware, and more on purpose, what we did or said in the moment, we have to accept as being our best.  

Here’s a quick recipe to help bake in these 4 Agreements and how they can enhance our lives. 

#1. Start from the inside with a solid filling of impeccability, or integrity with our word. Be careful to not judge ourselves or others. We know who we are and how we want to show up in the world. We know that we care and that we act with compassion. 

#2. Add in a pinch,or two, of not taking anything personally. Show up as your authentic selves. What others think of you is none of your business. 

#3. This is going to be an assumption-free meal, which allows us to be fully present in each moment. Treat each moment as a stand alone event, with fresh new eyes. 

#4, Top it all off with your version of “Do Your Best”.  Act with the confidence that you are on purpose. Be cognizant of what you are doing and why. Have comfort – that you’ve taken everything into account to be the best you can be in this moment. 

Put into the oven that is your life and know that as it bakes, the person you are and the flavorful life you are creating will come out exactly to your liking. 

 And that is a satisfying meal that never stops pleasing. 

Just sayin’ 

We’re halfway through our book by Don Miguel Ruiz called ‘The 4 Agreements’. This week is the 3rd Agreement, which is ‘Don’t make Assumptions’. What can be said about this one? We’ve all learned what happens when we assume, yes? Should I assume you already know this one? Probably not. I don’t want to make an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me’. See what I did there?

Why might we make assumptions? We’ve all heard, ok, I’ve heard about those inner voices that act to protect us. They’ve decided that it’s their job to keep us ‘safe’ from experiencing something -again- that caused us pain before. Assumptions are basically made up inner truths to support a version of an event as we perceived it. It might not necessarily be accurate. But, It’s our viewpoint. Colored by our perception and processed through our lens. Did it really happen the way we remember it? You may have heard that there are 3 versions to every story, yours, mine, and what really happened. We are very good at carrying our version with us.

Based on how you remember what you think happened, this whatever it is that happened in the past, might negatively inform what direction you might like to go next. For instance, If you want to put on a party for a friend, but the last time you did that, the caterer really messed things up. Or maybe someone wants you to speak somewhere and the last time you forgot your talk. Or I was talking with a friend today who took a real estate class in the past and didn’t pass the test. Thinking about doing these again might get you a little wigged out and cause you to be reluctant to even try. How long ago were these events? It’s been a length of time since then, and you are now a completely different person. You know the adage about not stepping in the same river twice. You’ve grown. So if you’re different now. Just ask yourself, “Just because that happened in the past, why does it have to happen that way again”?

We are all living right here in this present moment. Within that is the idea that nothing has happened before, because it is all in our memory. And nothing is going to happen in the future because the future will never happen. Every time the future shows up, it’s now. Why concern ourselves with something that may never happen.

Remember, assumptions are not based in truth. Make decisions in this moment based on the information you have access to at this time. Stay present and deal with what’s in front of you with the fresh eyes of someone who’s not been here before.

It’s exciting to think about what could be created when we are not blocked, or in any way stifled by something that might have happened in the past.

With this in mind you can’t go wrong.

Just sayin’

Let’s talk about the 2nd Agreement from the book “The 4 Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. And that agreement is…. Don’t Take Anything Personally.

I expect we’ve all been in situations where someone said something uncomplimentary, and we took it in. It changed our mood, our internal weather. Why is that?

What happens when someone says something good? We take that in, too. It feels good. See how our inner weather is influenced by what happens to us from the outside? Our mood fluctuates based on what others say. Based on that awareness, How does that concept sit with you

Nothing other people say is because of you. It is all about them. We view the world through a lens that has been created over a lifetime, or more, of perceptions, misperceptions, and they are shaded by emotions, reinforced by reactions, throw in some changing thoughts, fading memories… So when someone says something it comes from that place, it is their thought, their idea, their opinion, and it’s colored through their lens. If we think about it like that, how much truth about us is really in there?

Even if others lie to you, it is okay. They are lying to you because they are afraid of facing something in their lives.

And, if we are now incorporating what others say as a truth about us, we are not honoring the 1st Agreement… which is being impeccable with OUR word. See how that works

When we see people as they are, and allow them their views without our taking it personally, we can never be influenced by what they say or do.

You can’t control what people say. You can control how you react. Conversely, if whatever is said hits a chord, look for that place in you that might like a little attention.

By taking things personally we set ourselves up to suffer. For no reason, really. And who wants that? Just sayin’

Lately, references to the 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz have crossed my path and I thought it would be fun to do a little jamming on these. The 4 Agreements is a book based on the ancient wisdom of the Toltecs, focused on four moral pillars. We’ll start with Agreement #1, Be impeccable with your word.

What does that mean? As you know, words have power. Power to create. Power to destroy. When you speak, do you speak with integrity? When you say something, how do you mean it? It’s best to avoid using your word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.

While in a conversation, listen with the intent to understand. Then, take a breath. Formulate your thoughts. Ask yourself, Is what you’re about to say true, kind, necessary? Be aware that many things, even true things, don’t need to be said! You’ll find yourself responding in a way that aligns with your values, your truth.

Also, take note of how you’re feeling. If you’re experiencing a bit of agitation, and only you know what that feels like, you may end up saying something you wish you didn’t. You won’t be able to take it back. You don’t get a do-over. Man, that hurts

As I work on this. I realized I’ve given me my word that I would send something every Monday. Life happens, and sometimes gets in the way, but my word, to me, is enough to make myself sit down and put something out.

What kinds of promises have you made to yourself that urges you to be your best self? What is your commitment to that word?

Think of your word as a contract. If you say you’ll be there or do this, and you can’t or you didn’t, that’s a broken contract. If there’s a chance you might not do it, saying, ‘I’ll try’ or ‘I’ll do my best’ allows you to retain the impeccability I believe we’d all like to live with.

Being impeccable with your word means watching your thoughts, paying attention to the way you talk to and about others, and paying attention to the way you talk to and about yourself. Doing this will help you be in congruence with your values, your vision, your hopes, and dreams.

Imagine, living impeccably and authentically, and your life is amazing on so many levels.

Just sayin’

Let’s talk about dreaming. Do you dream? What do you dream about? Do you have dreams??

There’s a little bit of a difference here. One type of dreaming is something that happens unconsciously or subconsciously, hopefully while you’re sleeping. You know the kind of dreams where you’re being chased by a tiger or you’re flying or your 5th-grade math class is underwater. That kind of weird dreaming. Things that make you go huh?

The other kind of dreaming is the one where you are actively envisioning the kind of life that you would love to live. You know about those dreams. Those are fun! Picturing yourself living the perfect lifestyle, engaged in meaningful, satisfying work, a beautiful loving partner, your dream house by the water, or in the mountains. The kinds of dreams that winning the lottery starts to engender.

When you close your eyes and allow yourself to be in these visions, what do you feel? Do you kind of float away? Do you feel light, safe, secure, carefree? As if on a cloud? Do you find yourself actually smiling out loud at the possibility? That’s happened to me.

Did you know you can actually feel like that right now? Yes, You Can! Having stuff is nice, but good feelings that are predicated on getting these things is based on what we call external influencers. In my opinion, the feeling isn’t really authentic. We say, “I’ll be happy when I get that job” or “I find the perfect partner.” Or “I’ll feel secure when I have x number of dollars in the bank”. Why would you want to wait to feel like that? Besides, if external influencers can bring you those feelings, external influencers can also take them away.

It is possible to access those feelings right now. Try this real quick… Close your eyes. Think of a time when you were just giddy with happiness. Maybe it was the birth of a child, winning that big contract, or being in the beginning stages of infatuation or fully in love with your partner. Can you feel that? That’s right here. In the heart! Do this and you can feel that whenever you want. I Promise.

Another way to access these feelings is to be grateful. “It’s not about having what you want, it’s about wanting what you have’. Thank you Sheryl Crow. Gratitude is a wonderful, natural mood enhancer. It’s actually miraculous the way it works. There are many neurological studies backing up the fact that you can’t be grateful and angry, sad or depressed at the same time. I do acknowledge though, that clinical depression is a whole different thing and should be treated as such.

You’ve heard sayings like “It is not happiness that brings us gratitude. It is gratitude that brings us happiness.” and there are many similar affirmations about this. I’ve talked about gratitude before, and I may again, but that’s not what today is about. I’m just using that as an example of how we can create those feelings that we want, from within, without having to wait for something outside of us that we don’t have.

Celebrate what you do have. That celebration lifts your spirits, allows dopamine and endorphins to course through your body, your system. In this way, we can experience the feeling of what we want to feel right now and on purpose.

Why wait?

Just sayin’